Jealousy

"A competent and self- confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity"

We've all been there pal. And it sucks. And its irrational. And its painful but its overwhelming. I don't mean overwhelming in a dramatic sense but if you can think back to a time when you were jealous then you might remember feeling paralyzed, numb, hurt or lacking in control. These feelings may have appeared in tiny segments or in huge bursts. Unusually, I did a bit of research (don't get impressed, it was just two definitions :P) and discovered that jealousy and envy are two different things! Envy is the emotion you feel when you want what someone else has and jealousy is the emotion you feel when you fear something or someone might be taken away from you. Interesting, isn't it? And the thought that struck me when I saw the definition of "envy" was that it wasn't very intense when people were envious of others' material possessions like clothes or cars and so envy was only a joking matter. However upon further consideration I realized that when we feel negative about other people having specific talents or personality traits, that too is envy. And that makes the whole word much more serious in my eyes.

You see, I'm careful not to make my old self sound like a green-eyed monster but let's just say if I had to pick which of the seven deadly sins fitted me best, I would have picked jealousy. Jealousy was abundant in my life as a child and early teenager and while I do admit this, I stress that it didn't occupy my life and I didn't walk around being envious of everything! I was jealous about certain things, envious of others and if I had to pick which word was more appropriate to 12 year old Rachel, I would say half and half. I contained envy for some people's personality traits and talents and jealous because I had a constant fear that I could easily be replaced! This insecurity issue of mine, however, have I devoutly gone about changing in the last year or so. I'm not free of it entirely but its very rare now that I feel the initiations of jealousy/envy rise up inside of me and on the odd occasion that they do I've managed to eliminate them with a single thought. 

Why have I just rambled about my puberty issues??? For a reason, my friends, for a reason. I wanted to address the impact jealousy and envy can have on your happiness, relationships and thus all over life.  I also wanted to clear up that with these particular emotions, like any you feel, you should not think on yourself negatively because of them. Its a vicious cycle and not true. Also, I want to discuss how Jealous or envy are not natural emotions. Hopefully, if I can conjure any god sent tips to aid you in eradicating jealousy/envy from your life, I shall! :D

Firstly, the impact these emotions can have on your life. I suppose the first thing to ask is when you have felt jealous, were you happy? It really doesn't matter what you define as happiness, I still highly doubt envy or jealousy is the key to it. For my definition of happiness, jealousy has no place. Because that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when jealousy has punched you in the face is one of the worst feelings in the world. Its like a gas that disperses and engulfs you and it encaptures your thoughts fully. Any logical explanation or possibility for analysing why you're feeling this way goes out the window and all you are left with is rapidly pent up emotion that you need to act on. So you do, either consciously or unconsciously. You're buzzing inside, trembling outside as you let the irrational jealousy formulate corresponding irrational words. You spit something nasty about your friend who did better in a test than you, you bitch about the girl who all the guys think is pretty, you jeer names at the boy who scored more goals in soccer practice. Though immersed in your pulsating vulnerability you didn't feel like you had any control in saying these things, you did. You composed the intent to make the other person feel as bad as you were feeling at the time. Does this mean you're a bad person? Of course not. You were hurt. Other individuals can't see deep inside the cauldrons of our emotions however, they only see the very surface and this leads to problems when it comes to jealousy. The emotion affects our relationships and can cause them to deteriorate. If we feel envious of our friends succeeding in things then our behavior towards them becomes less compassionate, more hostile, more aggressive, impatient etc, etc,etc. Not great ingredients for a growing relationship. Therefore, for our connections with other human beings leading to our happiness, we must learn to eliminate jealousy and envy from our stream of emotions. Don't bottle them up, that's the worst thing you can do and will just lead to subconscious communication of your jealousy. 

Now I want to address something I feel is very important. I know I felt as I admitted I used to be quite a jealous person that that was really bad. What a horrible trait that everyone would look down upon, no pity, just an ugly trait. But that's not how you should feel about the way you feel when you're jealous. Jealousy is simplified (like most things to do with our internal emotions) and called a sin or a bad trait to have. Don't feel like a sinner when you experience it though because its a lot deeper than that. Next time you feel either of the two emotions discussed, think and then think some more about their original source. Are you insecure in that area? Why? Is it completely irrational? And you'll realize that its just an unattractive expression of hurt. Don't get rid of jealousy to make yourself less of a sinner but to make yourself happier and to enable yourself to get more out of life.

And last but not least I want to share with you something I've been thinking about, how Jealousy/ Envy are not natural emotions. You wouldn't feel envious of a girl's skinny legs unless the media had plastered in your face skinny legs in a beautiful light, you wouldn't be envious of a friend earning a higher income than you if money didn't have such a high value of importance in the world we live in, so I suppose the question is was jealousy always so common place or is it a growing epidemic due to the rise in materialism and pressure to be a certain way? I'm not saying people in the 60's didn't have these things, I'm referring to the first human beings. Like were cavemen jealous of gucci watches?

Confidence, as the quote miles away up the page says, is the key to combating jealousy. Building up your own security will leave jealousy and envy no place to stay because then other people, their things, talents and opinions on you won't matter as much. Every time you feel jealous try and sink into a smile and remind yourself that you will always have something in you that's unique and incredible, no matter what other titles are stripped from you. There's something in you that can tackle every obstacle that comes your way. Thinking rationally on why you're jealous will leave you realising how silly you were for being jealous. Being independent is key for opposing jealousy, knowing you don't need anyone in your life is so empowering and liberating so if someone replaces or hurts you, you can console yourself with the fact that you are well able to be happy without them. 

Take the lighthearted approach, laugh at what you're beginning to feel jealous at. Don't get too serious about the whole thing and stop brewing over self pitying thoughts. 

Most of all, to combat jealousy and envy know that you are enough. What you possess is enough. Be grateful for the talents you have for gratitude is hands down one of the most important things in the world. Being grateful for what you do  have will push down jealous tendencies before they can erupt and cause disaster. Despite the fact that you're laughing/ scoffing at how cliche this is, know that you are so incredibly special and unique, you were put on this planet for a purpose and you will keep growing and growing for the better. Other people and words will tell you you're not enough because they have problems too. Rise above them and the hurt that would lead to you to becoming the green eyed monster and live happily.

Love,

Rachel! =)