Anger

Anger isn't very nice, is it? Whether you are angry or receiving anger from someone else, it seriously impedes on your progress in life. Well, as a matter of fact it shouldn't affect your life if someone else is angry with you, most times we actually have the physical ability to ignore them and carry on with our lives but usually our emotional inability gets in the way and their problem becomes ours, our problem becomes theirs.

You see, I've recently come to the conclusion that anger is a very simplistic reaction to human behavior. If we allow our selves to ponder, when you become angry with someone, any attempts to find the root of the problem or see their point of view has more or less gone out the window. Its irrational, impulsiveness over flowing from the top of the emotions tube. There is no point to it (you could argue its important for getting your point across/ making people realise truth) but it doesn't really. The reality is they seize up, become supremely defensive and dislike you and your attitude. It does you no good either, you have a swamp of negative emotions cooped up inside of you, you find it easy to become further angered by major injustices blown up from a minor one and everything gets out of hand with no resolution. So anger is never right.

What I've more recently discovered is that realising and practicing this are two very different things. You see an injustice, you see the smug faces, you see the victim, your mom won't leave your room without picking up every single thing off the ground, these frightfully infuriating things cause rage within many of us and I don't know where its derived from? I don't think its as simple as just "having a short fuse". I will agree you're not 100% happy and content with life if you become angered easily but I don't think its derived from unhappiness. I feel it possibly occurs from narrow perspectives and hidden hurt. I don't think its fair to decide that you have to become angered from injustice because its not right to, it serves no purpose but harm and it means you aren't stepping into those people's shoes, seeing their world and their battle. Just because anger is the first emotion which puts itself forward in a lot of situations doesn't mean you go with it because staying calm will prove a lot more effective. It doesn't mean you sit back, do nothing and don't have your say but coming across as aggressive and intimidating will get you no further to your goal and quite frankly, think about your words used in anger, would you like to hear them? Are they fair to say in that way to someone who is also fighting their battles and have their own problems? Probably not if you truly think about it.

What helps me to cool down after I've got a bit worked up :

Put things into perspective: People say to think of things in relation to the universe and outer space and how in comparison you are nothing but that doesn't click with me. I prefer to think of anger as this totally irrational force which is pulling you away from  the facts. You need to head back to logic because it eliminates anger in most cases. You also must realise that anger solves nothing!

See things from others' point of view: Vital in controlling anger. You need to attempt to comprehend why a person is saying certain things and behaving a certain way. You've done things which have angered other people before, would they have been so mad if they knew how you were feeling inside, your motives? Probably not, so you must think like this in relation to other people. We need to burst this self- absorbed bubble we often blow for ourselves.

Music: Some people find hardcore rock good for shouting away the angst, others calming melodies. I prefer upbeat tunes with happy lyrics! It brings me to a good mood which music has such a power to do! I recommend finding a genre of and specific songs to listen to when you're racked up because you can enter your own world for a bit and maybe gather some perspective.

Smile and Laugh: This really works for me! I don't like to say you're just tricking your mind into thinking you're happy but you're just using your body to look on the bright side. It'll really cheer you up!

Talk: Speak to someone who you know can calm you down. Often getting an objective view will add in our efforts to come back to yourself and perspective.

Be Raw: Don't treat anger fakely. What I mean is don't stay angry because you think it looks cool, gives you an edge or you saw it on tv. If you're not keeping up the behavior for other reasons aside from the raw frustration you initially felt, it will be a lot easier and quicker to eliminate it.

Finally, realise that Christmas isn't too far away and you'll be fine! Only 272 days now!!! :D

                                                                                 Love,
                                                                                     Rachel :)

Quotations Sunday: Kindness

What do you think? Nodding of the heads, sudden epiphany's, immense denial? I'm not sure, all I know is that I think this quote is so true, so true but so terribly difficult to follow. You see, it almost says it itself  "everyone is fighting a hard battle" and because of that, kindness doesn't always come naturally to us to bestow on others.

But we should, lets start with that. I have only realized recently the huge importance of compassion and mercy when it comes to those we meet, know and love. You can't see them or sometimes even feel them but we all have our problems, some have big and others small. We're all vulnerable and trying to make sense of this place which we were brought in to. No instruction leaflet, no tour guide. Obstacles and difficulties are bound to arise. So while it is true that you could turn the quote and claim that you have your own problems so how are you supposed to take note or acknowledge somebody else's, however maybe you could turn it around and say that your own problems give you a deeper empathy and understanding for other people. 

And it is possible, yes it can be so easy to lose your temper or become annoyed but we still should all strive to be kinder in our everyday lives to everybody. "But what about that one in my class who's rotten to me?", "What about my Ex?" Yeah, them too. They all have their battles and their behavior doesn't always coincide exactly with how they're feeling inside. If we don't realize that, then we're instantly placing a load of pressure on ourselves to make our behaviors 'perfect'. Do you want that for yourself?

"Compassion and Tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength"

Believe me, this is a note to self as much as a preach to you but no matter how annoying someone is, try and see things from their point of view. You'll be happier too because it never makes you feel good truly to bring negativity into the world. You might lose your edgy-oh-you're-so-cool-with-your-humorous-way-of-insulting-and-pointing-out-someone's-flaws reputation and you might even be thought of as weak for being nice and not giving up on people or just generally being empathetic and humane. However bear in mind that all you have at the end of the day, at the end of your life, is your character, your mind, your soul. You won't have that friend or be with that gang forever. The laugh they pay you shouldn't compensate for the hurt you've caused the other person and even more it won't last more than a few minutes. A strong character will last forever and d'you know what? I've found that people respect you more in the end for sticking by your morals. Set an example for people who just spew unkindness, its hope for everyone, most importantly them.

This quote means a lot to me because its a constant reminder that no matter how much I think I know about someone I'll never know who they truly are. I might know the events of their past but never how much they may have affected them and changed them. I haven't felt everything they've felt, thought every thought they've thought so I will never know them. And neither will you. What is safe to say is that they are "fighting a hard battle" and not often an obvious one. Kindness is the way for them and yourself. If you think about it, anger and annoyance (we all experience it) is a very simplistic reaction to human behavior. Does it ever help? Not really because even somebody who's done something wrong doesn't deserve to be made feel smaller than they already do. I understand "always" is a strong word and a tricky one to obey, but to every extra person you're kind to, you are becoming a soldier helping them in and making their battle a little easier to win. I firmly hold the belief that people are good and vulnerable. That to me is beautiful.

Agree with this week's quote?

                                                           Love,
                                                              Rachel=)