Coolness

Really cool.....

Perhaps it is because I am a particularly awkward individual at the best of times, but I really can't comprehend the "swag" epidemic! And its not just that term alone, its the whole message and vision behind it. To me, a very fake vision. Because in my opinion, no person walking this earth is "cool". I think that everyone has a vulnerability about them and if someone appears extremely swagish (is that the word?) then I believe there is a huge pretence element involved. 

You see, my logic with the whole "vulnerable" thing is that as human beings our whole existence is based off of confusion. We don't have a freaking clue why we're here, what we are, what the purpose is, what a purpose is and much, much more. All we have to believe is what we've been told so we are not 100% invincible. We've all experienced embarrassment, awkwardness and feeling uncomfortable with oneself so  even 50 cent above and all the other 'cool' gangster rappers have a vulnerable side and raw human feelings. To think about it on a more relatable level, those groups at work or in school who are the "cool crowd" are composed of people who are a lot more complex than the title "cool" denotes. They mightn't even realise that they're seen as cool from your perspective and if they do think they're better than everyone else and have the word "loser" in their vocabulary then they're putting up a huge amount of bravado to mask their insecurity.

I suppose my huge opposition to pressure of any kind plays a part in my opinion too. Why? you may ask. Well, if you think about it, when people try and be smooth and I'll say it again cool, you can see the pressure not to trip when they're swag walking or stumble over their words. If you do something awkward, have the confidence to embrace it. These said people are essentially trying to be something they're not. 

"Nothing is ever as it seems"

A fact, if ever there was one. Appropriate in this post because cool individuals are not always as they seem to be. This is probably the most original advice ever but you don't have to change yourself to fit in with the cool kids. Don't smoke to be cool because smoking isn't as it seems, all sexy and french. It ruins your lungs and health. Drugs? Bit of fun? Cool? But they're lethal too. And I suppose what I want to put across is that you shouldn't do something with the sole purpose of being cool, appearing cool.  Nothing is ever as it seems and you'll never feel cool for smoking or drinking too much. You'll just look cool for a split second to someone who is also trying to be cool and hide their insecurity, which is their inability to ditch the desire for swag. Do you see what I mean? If you try and act cool to the different people you meet and you get in with the 'it' crowd then how are you going to make true relationships with people who think you're someone you aren't? You're missing out on great friendships with people who would have been your friend, not your coolness' friend but yours.

So yeah! Forget this whole notion that you have to be cool guys, or more importantly let's use the word another way. Cool is now given to someone who is being themselves because that's a very difficult thing to do. Following trends and the crowd isn't. Essentially, don't allow someone else to tell you what's cool, develop your own meaning for the word and never look down on anyone. We can be honest instead of cool and most importantly, happy! :D

Love,

Rachel!=)

Quotations Sunday: Kindness

What do you think? Nodding of the heads, sudden epiphany's, immense denial? I'm not sure, all I know is that I think this quote is so true, so true but so terribly difficult to follow. You see, it almost says it itself  "everyone is fighting a hard battle" and because of that, kindness doesn't always come naturally to us to bestow on others.

But we should, lets start with that. I have only realized recently the huge importance of compassion and mercy when it comes to those we meet, know and love. You can't see them or sometimes even feel them but we all have our problems, some have big and others small. We're all vulnerable and trying to make sense of this place which we were brought in to. No instruction leaflet, no tour guide. Obstacles and difficulties are bound to arise. So while it is true that you could turn the quote and claim that you have your own problems so how are you supposed to take note or acknowledge somebody else's, however maybe you could turn it around and say that your own problems give you a deeper empathy and understanding for other people. 

And it is possible, yes it can be so easy to lose your temper or become annoyed but we still should all strive to be kinder in our everyday lives to everybody. "But what about that one in my class who's rotten to me?", "What about my Ex?" Yeah, them too. They all have their battles and their behavior doesn't always coincide exactly with how they're feeling inside. If we don't realize that, then we're instantly placing a load of pressure on ourselves to make our behaviors 'perfect'. Do you want that for yourself?

"Compassion and Tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength"

Believe me, this is a note to self as much as a preach to you but no matter how annoying someone is, try and see things from their point of view. You'll be happier too because it never makes you feel good truly to bring negativity into the world. You might lose your edgy-oh-you're-so-cool-with-your-humorous-way-of-insulting-and-pointing-out-someone's-flaws reputation and you might even be thought of as weak for being nice and not giving up on people or just generally being empathetic and humane. However bear in mind that all you have at the end of the day, at the end of your life, is your character, your mind, your soul. You won't have that friend or be with that gang forever. The laugh they pay you shouldn't compensate for the hurt you've caused the other person and even more it won't last more than a few minutes. A strong character will last forever and d'you know what? I've found that people respect you more in the end for sticking by your morals. Set an example for people who just spew unkindness, its hope for everyone, most importantly them.

This quote means a lot to me because its a constant reminder that no matter how much I think I know about someone I'll never know who they truly are. I might know the events of their past but never how much they may have affected them and changed them. I haven't felt everything they've felt, thought every thought they've thought so I will never know them. And neither will you. What is safe to say is that they are "fighting a hard battle" and not often an obvious one. Kindness is the way for them and yourself. If you think about it, anger and annoyance (we all experience it) is a very simplistic reaction to human behavior. Does it ever help? Not really because even somebody who's done something wrong doesn't deserve to be made feel smaller than they already do. I understand "always" is a strong word and a tricky one to obey, but to every extra person you're kind to, you are becoming a soldier helping them in and making their battle a little easier to win. I firmly hold the belief that people are good and vulnerable. That to me is beautiful.

Agree with this week's quote?

                                                           Love,
                                                              Rachel=)

Confidence and Speaking Out!

Confidence is a topic which I am very interested in and I think it is much more complex than people make it out to be. I love the image I used above because its a perfect description of how I feel on the matter. However, before I go into that lets start with the basics.

What is Confidence? We all pretty much know what it is. Its being sure of the truth of something, being secure and being able to rely. Self-confidence is the belief in yourself that you are capable, to have a high sense of  respect for yourself and (shock, horror, disaster:O) to love yourself. We all know people in our lives who we feel is confident, maybe we all even have our own definitions for it. You may even disagree with having confidence and dislike those who do. 

"Confidence is what it takes to stand up and speak. Confidence is also what it takes to sit down and listen"

Wise words from old Churchill, aren't they? Because I suppose most of us think that those people who are really outspoken and well able to voice their opinion are the only confident ones. Is that true? I don't think so. I mean I am that person who always puts their hand up in class and I adore speaking in public, my biggest belief and motto is "Speak Out". However if you don't have the security as well to be able to listen and respect other people when they speak then you possess a huge lack of confidence. People who aren't 100% confident in what they're saying often speak over and shoot down other people's expressed thoughts, they need to keep speaking to reassure themselves and others that what they're saying is correct. While saying this, there is also the possibility that they do have confidence in what they're saying and fighting for, they just mightn't have huge confidence in the outcome (basically they might be afraid that what is wrong will prevail)

So I suppose we can conclude that someone might look confident but in reality be faking it. Just because someone can be the life and soul of a party or scream all the time in class it doesn't mean they're confident. I can generally see right through people who are faking it, but it is difficult because its so complex and as the picture illustrates some days someone could be full of genuine confidence, high self esteem and not care about other people and their opinions and the next feel very self conscious and worthless.  

And what's also strange is that you could have total confidence in one part of you, like your intelligence, and then have zero percent confidence in another for example your appearance. As usual though its what you're insecure about that usually prevails and impacts on your life most.

"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside of you that is greater than any obstacle"

Like other traits and adjectives we've pinned to people, Confidence is one that is (usually) looked highly upon. People would generally like to think of themselves as confident, and those who don't can you please tell me why? Anyway this desire and high respect for self- assured folk makes others feel that they must appear confident all the time. If you are, then that's terrific but I think its important that we realise we don't need to be invincible and that its perfectly ok to ask for help and admit to weakness on our way to unbreakable confidence. Make sure you're always honest with yourself if you have an insecurity or doubt. If you don't then its not true confidence, its denial.

"Be yourself no matter what they say" That is easier said than done! Bear in mind all that I am in my teenage years which is stereo typically a time where a person goes on a very long search to find themselves (5 years in fact) and then you're supposed to miraculously become fully formed the day you turn eighteen. This isn't always possible for everyone and while I have a very strong sense of who I am, I've often wondered what that phrase "Be yourself" actually means? Like, who am I???? We've all thought this, correct? But deep down I guess we know who we are. The way we act naturally with close friends and family is the most accurate reflection of ourselves. However most of us find it very difficult to act in the same manner to every person we meet, and I suppose confidence ties in majorly with discovering and being who you are. Admit to liking Justin Bieber even if everyone else hates him, do what makes you happy even if they're "weird" because bear in mind those who question or dislike you because of it have their own problems and vulnerability. They've all felt terribly insecure and awkward, suppressed their own desires and wishes because of insecurity. THEY WERE BORN NAKED AND CRYING. :P

"You are beautiful when being yourself, you don't need others to accept you, you just need to accept yourself"

And finally, I would like to address the importance of speaking out. I am an extremely righteous person and I love public speaking, that combination means that I voice my opinion a lot. I totally believe in it. Why be silent when you have something to say? I'm all about honesty and speaking the truth and I think  much too many people are afraid of doing so. At a talk I attended the other day, the point was brought up that women lack the confidence to put themselves out there and the whole belief that women who speak their minds are bitches. This is ridiculous to me and I think it stems from the whole problem that women are almost encouraged to be insecure and self- conscious "You don't know you're beautiful, that's what makes you beautiful" A One Direction lyric. Teenage fan girls (and there are a lot of them)  then feel like rejecting compliments and lacking in confidence is a good thing and after a while of behaving this way, you begin to feel this way. Lacking in confidence can only bring you unhappiness. People in general also put other people's problem of judging onto themselves. If someone judges you critically for saying what you feel that is their problem  not yours. If anyone ever tells you or makes you feel that being confident is wrong that is because they are lacking in confidence and are jealous. Don't become them, you need to move forward because that is their only hope too.

So peeps, "never be silent about things that matter" and "speak the truth even if your voice hurts"

A song that I really connected to and truly motivates me to be myself and speak out is "Read all about it part 3" by Emeli Sande She's really great and I highly recommend clicking the link and giving it a listen!

And your pondering question is...

Are you confident?

Love,

Rachel!=)