Success

A successful man?

In many's eyes, through implications anyway, this a very popular picture of what success is in this world. Having a load of money, from a brilliantly paid job topped with power and even fame is probably the most widespread definition of what the term "success" means. I actually just looked it up in a dictionary and its true. The definition is "the attainment of wealth, positions, honors and the like" and another one is "the accomplishment of one's goals". These are the two types of success I want to speak about and then I want to give my own take on such a weighty, human- made- pressurising word.

Jay Z, an iconic rapper and regarded as an extremely successful businessman. He's married to another powerhouse, Beyonce Knowles, and is a good representation of the hip hop/ gangster/ swag chasing/ rap industry which he's referred to himself as being the king of. There are many others I could mention who frequently bring up in their tracks how successful they are because they have money, fame, power, women to have sex with and various other materialistic, flashy things (apart from the women, but that's how they see them). I think that's sad. I genuinely pity them and their view on success which is so dependent on external circumstances. The success itself is very outward based, proving to the world that you are successful instead of being so within. Drake (he's YOLO guy) released a song in 2006 entitled "Success" where the chorus is  "Yeah I want the money/Money and the cars/Cars and the clothes/The hoes/I suppose I just wanna be/I just wanna be successful" To summarise these desires as success is, underneath it all, what a lot of people would count as a fitting one. That to me is where the problem lies.

Moving away from that theory for a second, I want to move onto another one. Ladies and Gentlemen, have you ever heard of Eric Thomas? Hands down one of the best motivational speakers I've ever heard and truly is an inspiration. 

http://www.youtube.com/user/etthehiphoppreacher

This is a link to his YouTube channel and I highly recommend checking it out, you won't be disappointed. However I would like to focus on his mantra which is 

"When you wanna succeed as much as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful"

This is possibly a more extreme version of another hugely accepted formula for success. This theory contains the belief that with hard work and huge amounts of will power you can achieve anything you want to achieve. Eric Thomas uses the phrase constantly and basically says that you can't allow yourself to be distracted with other things apart from working towards what you want to be successful at. You need to want it desperately and sacrifice things for it, a huge example he gives is sleep. He even quotes 50 cent who said "Sleep is for broke people". So to get to the point, this theory of success is very broad, you are left to decide what you want to be successful at whether its academia, getting a promotion at work, losing weight whatever it is this formula will apply if a good work ethic is required. And I agree, we are lazy creatures most of us and motivation is a requirement to get things done however I raise an eyebrow at the extremity of losing sleep and not taking proper care of yourself just for success in these terms. I laugh every time I think of 50 cent's quote because to me sleep is not for broke but for healthy, happy people. If that means poor, then lets live in poverty. This definition for success troubles me in another way too. Once we accomplish a goal, we move onto the next one and the next one and so on. We aren't satisfied and don't deem ourselves successful because we could always be more successful, there will always be someone who is, always a higher position to fill. You're climbing an infinite ladder and if you can't feel it, then is it success?

In my opinion, neither of these mean success. I believe success is happiness. Success is waking up in the morning (after a good night's sleep) and having something to look forward to in the day ahead, to wake up with a smile, to wake up possibly with problems to deal with but no worries because they haven't affected you. Success is holding your patience intact and being able to love even those who act in a way that makes it impossible. Success is loving yourself, looking in the mirror and not cringing or frowning, loving the unhealthy parts of you so that you'll want to make them healthy, falling in love with the weird things you say and the awkward things you do. Success is confidence, when what you laugh at most are the looks of contempt on people's faces as you speak the truth, as you be who you are because they won't. Success is seeing the full pigment in the colours of every thing in the world, to never grow too old and wise to have breath taking moments on this ancient earth, to soak up learning like a sponge and to truly listen to people. Not to pick up when it might be a good time to start speaking yourself, but to actually absorb the words into you. Success is pushing past the gates of lies and being 100% honest with yourself and with everybody, to walk through life with your palms open and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and reveal the amazing thoughts within you. Success is having a calm soul, focused on the present moment and not possessing any bitterness or hate for another individual. Success is knowing with all the certainty you need that no matter what the world throws at you, there is something in you that can overcome any obstacle. Success is when you are grateful, when you have complete awareness of the treasures that exist in your life, that you are breathing being one of them. 

This is success to me. If you've succeeded in being happy internally and connecting with who you are then you are a success and you can never fail. Only with this foundation can you go on and achieve all of the dreams you may have and be able to put the work in to getting them. 

Love,

Rachel! =)

Coolness

Really cool.....

Perhaps it is because I am a particularly awkward individual at the best of times, but I really can't comprehend the "swag" epidemic! And its not just that term alone, its the whole message and vision behind it. To me, a very fake vision. Because in my opinion, no person walking this earth is "cool". I think that everyone has a vulnerability about them and if someone appears extremely swagish (is that the word?) then I believe there is a huge pretence element involved. 

You see, my logic with the whole "vulnerable" thing is that as human beings our whole existence is based off of confusion. We don't have a freaking clue why we're here, what we are, what the purpose is, what a purpose is and much, much more. All we have to believe is what we've been told so we are not 100% invincible. We've all experienced embarrassment, awkwardness and feeling uncomfortable with oneself so  even 50 cent above and all the other 'cool' gangster rappers have a vulnerable side and raw human feelings. To think about it on a more relatable level, those groups at work or in school who are the "cool crowd" are composed of people who are a lot more complex than the title "cool" denotes. They mightn't even realise that they're seen as cool from your perspective and if they do think they're better than everyone else and have the word "loser" in their vocabulary then they're putting up a huge amount of bravado to mask their insecurity.

I suppose my huge opposition to pressure of any kind plays a part in my opinion too. Why? you may ask. Well, if you think about it, when people try and be smooth and I'll say it again cool, you can see the pressure not to trip when they're swag walking or stumble over their words. If you do something awkward, have the confidence to embrace it. These said people are essentially trying to be something they're not. 

"Nothing is ever as it seems"

A fact, if ever there was one. Appropriate in this post because cool individuals are not always as they seem to be. This is probably the most original advice ever but you don't have to change yourself to fit in with the cool kids. Don't smoke to be cool because smoking isn't as it seems, all sexy and french. It ruins your lungs and health. Drugs? Bit of fun? Cool? But they're lethal too. And I suppose what I want to put across is that you shouldn't do something with the sole purpose of being cool, appearing cool.  Nothing is ever as it seems and you'll never feel cool for smoking or drinking too much. You'll just look cool for a split second to someone who is also trying to be cool and hide their insecurity, which is their inability to ditch the desire for swag. Do you see what I mean? If you try and act cool to the different people you meet and you get in with the 'it' crowd then how are you going to make true relationships with people who think you're someone you aren't? You're missing out on great friendships with people who would have been your friend, not your coolness' friend but yours.

So yeah! Forget this whole notion that you have to be cool guys, or more importantly let's use the word another way. Cool is now given to someone who is being themselves because that's a very difficult thing to do. Following trends and the crowd isn't. Essentially, don't allow someone else to tell you what's cool, develop your own meaning for the word and never look down on anyone. We can be honest instead of cool and most importantly, happy! :D

Love,

Rachel!=)

Honesty

How do you feel about honesty? No, but how do you really feel about honesty? You don't want to be lied to, but if someone told you your outfit was truly horrendous you might change your attitude. Because honesty is kind of pushed around a bit,  it's thought correct in theory but then isn't practiced enough in the world. So is it right to be honest? What's the limit? Where should you and should you not be honest?

Obviously I can only speak for myself, but if there's one trait in a person I rank above any other it is genuine, sincere honesty. All this mysterious business doesn't intrigue me the way honesty endears me. I can't stand people being cunning and lying their way through life. It must be awfully sad, exhausting and stressful to constantly be trying to find happiness in a weave of lies. Then again, lying is so easy, isn't it? I can preach all I want but I've told my fair share. Sometimes we lie to ease tensions and possible pain for ourselves or others, other times we lie to make a story or our lives sound more interesting. But are we ever happy when we lie, truly happy? I know myself that honesty just makes me feel so much better, sometimes it can be terribly difficult but in the long run I feel more at peace with myself. Makes sense, doesn't it?

      I think some people are naturally more open and honest, and others more reserved. While I am drawn to people who aren't very secretive, I respect people who are more on the private side too. That comes down simply to who you are and how easily you trust a person. However, when it comes to people running their thoughts through an editing software before they utter a syllable and don't believe in speaking the truth when it matters, I simply can't understand it. So many people are afraid to speak their mind and point out when something's wrong. This is why there's so much corruption in the world, tell me I'm talking through my hat here and maybe I am because I don't watch the news, I know sweet damn all about current affairs but what I do know is that human beings have a tendency on all levels of society to keep their mouths shut or gloss over things, putting something forward in an around about way instead of stating the blatantly obvious facts. Its because we want to be like able, we don't like the sound of boos or the looks of annoyance and irritation. We want people to applaud us greatly and tell us we're great. We want a clap on the back and a proud smile. That's what it comes down to. We've also soaked up from the world that opinions can be wrong and moreover that its bad to make a mistake. Its instilled a great deal of fear in us to the point where we want to speak what's 'right' even though the only thing that's right is our gut feeling.

That's all jolly fine, yes honesty is vital when it comes to telling Pat Kenny that he gets paid too much or that politicians should carpool but what about telling your girlfriend she looks fat in those jeans? What about telling your best friend about the foundation lines? Is that right? I mean it is honesty, she really should get the size up and do a little more blending but its just so harsh. I know this type of honesty I fail at. I really feel when other people are upset or uncomfortable so when they look at me with those insecure eyes of desperation  what am I supposed to do? Lie clearly. And it makes them feel better, they never know otherwise. Maybe ignorance is bliss in those cases. Then there's the question of how someone will ever improve if you don't tell them it was a bad performance, that they deserve to know if you don't like them in that way. Its a difficult one and I suppose the best thing to do is train yourself to tell them the truth but in a compassionate manner. Maybe we're afraid to tell people the truth they won't like because we know it would hurt us if we found out. However isn't that just us needing to lose our sensitivity to the truth? The truth hurts sometimes but there's no point in evading it because we need to move forward from constructive criticism and grow. In saying that, there's no need to be rude or ridiculing about it but informing someone gently is probably the best for them and ye're relationship...

All in all, I am honesty's biggest fan. There's a lot of corruption in the world, a lot of lies, a lot of people out for themselves faking their way through life but they are not happy so don't try and beat them. You'll never be on top permanently. Always strive to be genuine and speak from the heart, because then you'll never be wrong. Most of all, make sure to be honest with yourself and connect to your core often. If you lie to yourself then you often just feel unhappy or self conscious and you don't know why because its very hard to realise and it almost buries itself deep inside of you. Remember, its perfectly OK to make a mistake and speaking what you feel is true is never wrong.

          What's your view on honesty?
                                                          Love,
                                                               Rachel=)

Confidence and Speaking Out!

Confidence is a topic which I am very interested in and I think it is much more complex than people make it out to be. I love the image I used above because its a perfect description of how I feel on the matter. However, before I go into that lets start with the basics.

What is Confidence? We all pretty much know what it is. Its being sure of the truth of something, being secure and being able to rely. Self-confidence is the belief in yourself that you are capable, to have a high sense of  respect for yourself and (shock, horror, disaster:O) to love yourself. We all know people in our lives who we feel is confident, maybe we all even have our own definitions for it. You may even disagree with having confidence and dislike those who do. 

"Confidence is what it takes to stand up and speak. Confidence is also what it takes to sit down and listen"

Wise words from old Churchill, aren't they? Because I suppose most of us think that those people who are really outspoken and well able to voice their opinion are the only confident ones. Is that true? I don't think so. I mean I am that person who always puts their hand up in class and I adore speaking in public, my biggest belief and motto is "Speak Out". However if you don't have the security as well to be able to listen and respect other people when they speak then you possess a huge lack of confidence. People who aren't 100% confident in what they're saying often speak over and shoot down other people's expressed thoughts, they need to keep speaking to reassure themselves and others that what they're saying is correct. While saying this, there is also the possibility that they do have confidence in what they're saying and fighting for, they just mightn't have huge confidence in the outcome (basically they might be afraid that what is wrong will prevail)

So I suppose we can conclude that someone might look confident but in reality be faking it. Just because someone can be the life and soul of a party or scream all the time in class it doesn't mean they're confident. I can generally see right through people who are faking it, but it is difficult because its so complex and as the picture illustrates some days someone could be full of genuine confidence, high self esteem and not care about other people and their opinions and the next feel very self conscious and worthless.  

And what's also strange is that you could have total confidence in one part of you, like your intelligence, and then have zero percent confidence in another for example your appearance. As usual though its what you're insecure about that usually prevails and impacts on your life most.

"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside of you that is greater than any obstacle"

Like other traits and adjectives we've pinned to people, Confidence is one that is (usually) looked highly upon. People would generally like to think of themselves as confident, and those who don't can you please tell me why? Anyway this desire and high respect for self- assured folk makes others feel that they must appear confident all the time. If you are, then that's terrific but I think its important that we realise we don't need to be invincible and that its perfectly ok to ask for help and admit to weakness on our way to unbreakable confidence. Make sure you're always honest with yourself if you have an insecurity or doubt. If you don't then its not true confidence, its denial.

"Be yourself no matter what they say" That is easier said than done! Bear in mind all that I am in my teenage years which is stereo typically a time where a person goes on a very long search to find themselves (5 years in fact) and then you're supposed to miraculously become fully formed the day you turn eighteen. This isn't always possible for everyone and while I have a very strong sense of who I am, I've often wondered what that phrase "Be yourself" actually means? Like, who am I???? We've all thought this, correct? But deep down I guess we know who we are. The way we act naturally with close friends and family is the most accurate reflection of ourselves. However most of us find it very difficult to act in the same manner to every person we meet, and I suppose confidence ties in majorly with discovering and being who you are. Admit to liking Justin Bieber even if everyone else hates him, do what makes you happy even if they're "weird" because bear in mind those who question or dislike you because of it have their own problems and vulnerability. They've all felt terribly insecure and awkward, suppressed their own desires and wishes because of insecurity. THEY WERE BORN NAKED AND CRYING. :P

"You are beautiful when being yourself, you don't need others to accept you, you just need to accept yourself"

And finally, I would like to address the importance of speaking out. I am an extremely righteous person and I love public speaking, that combination means that I voice my opinion a lot. I totally believe in it. Why be silent when you have something to say? I'm all about honesty and speaking the truth and I think  much too many people are afraid of doing so. At a talk I attended the other day, the point was brought up that women lack the confidence to put themselves out there and the whole belief that women who speak their minds are bitches. This is ridiculous to me and I think it stems from the whole problem that women are almost encouraged to be insecure and self- conscious "You don't know you're beautiful, that's what makes you beautiful" A One Direction lyric. Teenage fan girls (and there are a lot of them)  then feel like rejecting compliments and lacking in confidence is a good thing and after a while of behaving this way, you begin to feel this way. Lacking in confidence can only bring you unhappiness. People in general also put other people's problem of judging onto themselves. If someone judges you critically for saying what you feel that is their problem  not yours. If anyone ever tells you or makes you feel that being confident is wrong that is because they are lacking in confidence and are jealous. Don't become them, you need to move forward because that is their only hope too.

So peeps, "never be silent about things that matter" and "speak the truth even if your voice hurts"

A song that I really connected to and truly motivates me to be myself and speak out is "Read all about it part 3" by Emeli Sande She's really great and I highly recommend clicking the link and giving it a listen!

And your pondering question is...

Are you confident?

Love,

Rachel!=)