Language Snobbery/ Swearing.

I was always raised to look on those who swore with disgust and judgement. I'm not kidding. Your mom may have been that way with smokers or drunks but for me it was always those who used "bad" language. I obeyed because I was a child and even when I grew older and lost my forced- upon- me distaste for cursing, I still felt obliged to agree with my my mom's rants. However, recently, I have come to realise that judging and disliking people because they swear is absolutely ridiculous.

You see the thing about swearing is that you are just using different words to communicate a message to another human being and yet someone decided that certain words were "bad" words and they became forbidden, or moreover, kept for "lower class" and less dignified individuals. Why?  The issues I personally would have with cursing is the emotion and tone of voice that fuels it. I agree that it is certainly not pleasant to hear people utter "Fuck" when they are angry, directed at you or others but don't you think that its the way they're saying it, their facial expression and body language is what affects you and not the words they used? 

People say swearing gives off a certain "impression". They rarely elaborate because they probably realise how stupid that is. Being told you're giving off an "impression" is basically you being blamed for other people judging you. You shouldn't be worried about giving off the right impression to people when they first meet you, you should be yourself, say what you feel is right in your own natural way and if they don't like that then what are you supposed to do? Not be yourself? Say something you don't want to say? Fuck that!

You see, language is a state of mind. Your mind has adapted to these things called words which are essentially organised noises that you've been trained to comprehend so you can convey your feelings. Do you see how futile the "bad word" debate is now? There are a lot more important things to worry about then what words people use, the meaning behind them being one of them as well as the fact that so many people are afraid to speak any words when the truth needs to be heard.

However, I would like to make clear that I don't think its right to swear just to appear cool or tough. Like I've said before, it is not the choice of words you use that show people who you are, its the feeling and meaning behind those words. Use whatever "noises" you want to convey best what's inside you to the outside world. 

Aside from swearing, I also feel this way when it comes to general language usage. I believe there is a huge language snobbery existing in the world. In English class you're always told to pick the longest and poshest words when you write but I've always thought that once again its the content of what you write that matters, it should be about the story. Some people use the flounciest and most complicated vocabulary in novels but what they don't realise is that many readers cannot understand their message then. So while I do understand many's appreciation for words and how some words are more effective at portraying a thought better than others, I still feel we need to bring it back to the basics and realise that maybe you should spend a little more time thinking about what you want to convey to the world, in the most genuine way possible, instead of looking up a thesaurus for the most intelligent, praise attracting words.

Love,

Rachel! =)

Becoming Adjectives

We've all been described at some point in our lives. You may have been called "smart" or "pretty", "fat" or "weird" but I think I'm correct in saying an adjective, one word, has been used in an effort to describe you. Now, let me ask you, have you ever thought about the effect this use of an adjective might be having on you? 

Let's take the positive ones first, If someone uses an adjective to describe you that you find complimentary it gives you a boost, doesn't it? However, I don't think we realise how long these words stay with us, how much pressure they can often create. You get called clever and from that moment on you want to keep up that opinion people have of you, you don't want to do badly in a test for fear you'd lose the title, you don't say anything that might be regarded as "stupid" or not "intelligent". I know myself that some refer to me as "confident", a huge compliment in my eyes and one that I would associate with myself in many scenarios, however I am not confident all of the time, I am not as straight forward, definite or written in stone as a word is. However in my focused mission to eliminate the various insecurities I possessed, I stumbled on this, very well hidden one. You see, I wouldn't want to appear as if I wasn't confident so I would avoid appearing awkward or weak. I wanted to be invincible but I wasn't. And I suppose that would be my example of trying to become an adjective. I wanted to always be confident instead of being Rachel, with a much broader range of feelings and mental states. I believe we should all strive to be confident but putting pressure on ourselves to be so all of the time is where insecurity and frustration lies. And the same applies for anything, let's say you're referred to as "the pretty one" so you almost feel an obligation to be so everyday.

And then there are the negative ones. I would hope that we could all rise above the negative adjectives we get thrown at us and instead of becoming them, become the opposite. However in some cases, people feel that if someone calls them "ugly" or "annoying" then that's all they are. They let the adjective become them and think it a lot more important and truthful then it actually is.

And so, I wanted to write this blog post because I think its a problem we could all have in our lives and may never realise it. What I would say is when people describe you in a word, think twice about the way you're going to take that comment. After all, it is just a word they've used to describe your surface layer, your behavior, what you give out to the world. There's a lot more to you then those few letters and  it may be totally inaccurate to who you know you really are.  We all have preferences on how we'd like to be described, some would love to be called intelligent, others would rank being called "pretty" higher. However, what I've learned is that we should never aim to be described a certain way. Whatever adjectives best describe you should be the most complimentary. Never do or say things just because its normal to what people in your social group or "category" do. You are an exceedingly complex individual who can never accurately be summed up, isn't that wonderful to think about?

Love,

Rachel! =)

Pride

"Don't let your pride get in the way". We've all heard that phrase and well, considering we were more than likely very interrupted by our pride at that moment in time, I would imagine it quite annoyed us! You see, what I wish to talk about today is the differentiation between being a proud person and being proud of yourself. Do I think its a "deadly sin"? No. However if you find yourself making decisions based on your own pride then honesty is not present in your choice and I believe it will impact negatively on your happiness.

 To differentiate, being proud of yourself and others is great! It means you or they have accomplished something which you think is good and overcome an obstacle that maybe you didn't know you or they could overcome. This type of pride is almost a form of gratitude. You are glad of who you are and of the people you have in your life. So what I would say is that pride in this form is a great feeling to experience.

However, we all know of a time when we let our egos and not-wanting-to-let-anyone-think-we're-wrong attitude get to us and it is very hard to budge! Let's take an example, you're arguing with someone and you know you're fighting a losing battle and that your points are wrong and unjust. Now answer me this, would you find it easy to admit you were wrong all along and accept the "I told you so" look? More than likely you're shaking your head and that is an immensely common problem we humans have. A lot of us let our pride hide whats right because we're thinking too much about our individual selves, our own egos. This is the type of pride I dislike in myself and in others. I feel it strips honesty of its glory and decreases the value of a well thought out, moral opinion. I believe we need to think more objectively when it comes to ourselves for the better of those around us and the energy we put into the world.

Some say the reason for martyrdom or just going to extremes for your beliefs is pride but I disagree. I believe there is a difference between doing what you believe to be right and not backing down and pride which as I've just explained is very much to do with your own egos and less about what you're fighting for. However, I do not think anyone should do anything just to boost other people's respect for them. We should do what's right and what's fair and if we do certain acts just to make us look a certain way then we're doing them falsely and we're setting ourselves up for a fall.

So I suppose what I can conclude for myself and hopefully for all of you reading this, is that just because arguments have traditions where neither person will admit they're wrong, doesn't mean you have to follow them. Arguments also have a tradition of getting no where, so traditions and normality in things like this are not always the best. The only way to come to a mature and fair solution is to admit when you're wrong and and don't back down if you think you're right. Don't always feel like you have to be a better, more respectable person by being too proud to accept a gift of money when you're running low or always be right in every situation. Reputations don't matter unless you let them. They're just other people's vague opinions of who you are.

                                                        Love,
                                                            Rachel! =)

Success

A successful man?

In many's eyes, through implications anyway, this a very popular picture of what success is in this world. Having a load of money, from a brilliantly paid job topped with power and even fame is probably the most widespread definition of what the term "success" means. I actually just looked it up in a dictionary and its true. The definition is "the attainment of wealth, positions, honors and the like" and another one is "the accomplishment of one's goals". These are the two types of success I want to speak about and then I want to give my own take on such a weighty, human- made- pressurising word.

Jay Z, an iconic rapper and regarded as an extremely successful businessman. He's married to another powerhouse, Beyonce Knowles, and is a good representation of the hip hop/ gangster/ swag chasing/ rap industry which he's referred to himself as being the king of. There are many others I could mention who frequently bring up in their tracks how successful they are because they have money, fame, power, women to have sex with and various other materialistic, flashy things (apart from the women, but that's how they see them). I think that's sad. I genuinely pity them and their view on success which is so dependent on external circumstances. The success itself is very outward based, proving to the world that you are successful instead of being so within. Drake (he's YOLO guy) released a song in 2006 entitled "Success" where the chorus is  "Yeah I want the money/Money and the cars/Cars and the clothes/The hoes/I suppose I just wanna be/I just wanna be successful" To summarise these desires as success is, underneath it all, what a lot of people would count as a fitting one. That to me is where the problem lies.

Moving away from that theory for a second, I want to move onto another one. Ladies and Gentlemen, have you ever heard of Eric Thomas? Hands down one of the best motivational speakers I've ever heard and truly is an inspiration. 

http://www.youtube.com/user/etthehiphoppreacher

This is a link to his YouTube channel and I highly recommend checking it out, you won't be disappointed. However I would like to focus on his mantra which is 

"When you wanna succeed as much as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful"

This is possibly a more extreme version of another hugely accepted formula for success. This theory contains the belief that with hard work and huge amounts of will power you can achieve anything you want to achieve. Eric Thomas uses the phrase constantly and basically says that you can't allow yourself to be distracted with other things apart from working towards what you want to be successful at. You need to want it desperately and sacrifice things for it, a huge example he gives is sleep. He even quotes 50 cent who said "Sleep is for broke people". So to get to the point, this theory of success is very broad, you are left to decide what you want to be successful at whether its academia, getting a promotion at work, losing weight whatever it is this formula will apply if a good work ethic is required. And I agree, we are lazy creatures most of us and motivation is a requirement to get things done however I raise an eyebrow at the extremity of losing sleep and not taking proper care of yourself just for success in these terms. I laugh every time I think of 50 cent's quote because to me sleep is not for broke but for healthy, happy people. If that means poor, then lets live in poverty. This definition for success troubles me in another way too. Once we accomplish a goal, we move onto the next one and the next one and so on. We aren't satisfied and don't deem ourselves successful because we could always be more successful, there will always be someone who is, always a higher position to fill. You're climbing an infinite ladder and if you can't feel it, then is it success?

In my opinion, neither of these mean success. I believe success is happiness. Success is waking up in the morning (after a good night's sleep) and having something to look forward to in the day ahead, to wake up with a smile, to wake up possibly with problems to deal with but no worries because they haven't affected you. Success is holding your patience intact and being able to love even those who act in a way that makes it impossible. Success is loving yourself, looking in the mirror and not cringing or frowning, loving the unhealthy parts of you so that you'll want to make them healthy, falling in love with the weird things you say and the awkward things you do. Success is confidence, when what you laugh at most are the looks of contempt on people's faces as you speak the truth, as you be who you are because they won't. Success is seeing the full pigment in the colours of every thing in the world, to never grow too old and wise to have breath taking moments on this ancient earth, to soak up learning like a sponge and to truly listen to people. Not to pick up when it might be a good time to start speaking yourself, but to actually absorb the words into you. Success is pushing past the gates of lies and being 100% honest with yourself and with everybody, to walk through life with your palms open and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and reveal the amazing thoughts within you. Success is having a calm soul, focused on the present moment and not possessing any bitterness or hate for another individual. Success is knowing with all the certainty you need that no matter what the world throws at you, there is something in you that can overcome any obstacle. Success is when you are grateful, when you have complete awareness of the treasures that exist in your life, that you are breathing being one of them. 

This is success to me. If you've succeeded in being happy internally and connecting with who you are then you are a success and you can never fail. Only with this foundation can you go on and achieve all of the dreams you may have and be able to put the work in to getting them. 

Love,

Rachel! =)

Jealousy

"A competent and self- confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity"

We've all been there pal. And it sucks. And its irrational. And its painful but its overwhelming. I don't mean overwhelming in a dramatic sense but if you can think back to a time when you were jealous then you might remember feeling paralyzed, numb, hurt or lacking in control. These feelings may have appeared in tiny segments or in huge bursts. Unusually, I did a bit of research (don't get impressed, it was just two definitions :P) and discovered that jealousy and envy are two different things! Envy is the emotion you feel when you want what someone else has and jealousy is the emotion you feel when you fear something or someone might be taken away from you. Interesting, isn't it? And the thought that struck me when I saw the definition of "envy" was that it wasn't very intense when people were envious of others' material possessions like clothes or cars and so envy was only a joking matter. However upon further consideration I realized that when we feel negative about other people having specific talents or personality traits, that too is envy. And that makes the whole word much more serious in my eyes.

You see, I'm careful not to make my old self sound like a green-eyed monster but let's just say if I had to pick which of the seven deadly sins fitted me best, I would have picked jealousy. Jealousy was abundant in my life as a child and early teenager and while I do admit this, I stress that it didn't occupy my life and I didn't walk around being envious of everything! I was jealous about certain things, envious of others and if I had to pick which word was more appropriate to 12 year old Rachel, I would say half and half. I contained envy for some people's personality traits and talents and jealous because I had a constant fear that I could easily be replaced! This insecurity issue of mine, however, have I devoutly gone about changing in the last year or so. I'm not free of it entirely but its very rare now that I feel the initiations of jealousy/envy rise up inside of me and on the odd occasion that they do I've managed to eliminate them with a single thought. 

Why have I just rambled about my puberty issues??? For a reason, my friends, for a reason. I wanted to address the impact jealousy and envy can have on your happiness, relationships and thus all over life.  I also wanted to clear up that with these particular emotions, like any you feel, you should not think on yourself negatively because of them. Its a vicious cycle and not true. Also, I want to discuss how Jealous or envy are not natural emotions. Hopefully, if I can conjure any god sent tips to aid you in eradicating jealousy/envy from your life, I shall! :D

Firstly, the impact these emotions can have on your life. I suppose the first thing to ask is when you have felt jealous, were you happy? It really doesn't matter what you define as happiness, I still highly doubt envy or jealousy is the key to it. For my definition of happiness, jealousy has no place. Because that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when jealousy has punched you in the face is one of the worst feelings in the world. Its like a gas that disperses and engulfs you and it encaptures your thoughts fully. Any logical explanation or possibility for analysing why you're feeling this way goes out the window and all you are left with is rapidly pent up emotion that you need to act on. So you do, either consciously or unconsciously. You're buzzing inside, trembling outside as you let the irrational jealousy formulate corresponding irrational words. You spit something nasty about your friend who did better in a test than you, you bitch about the girl who all the guys think is pretty, you jeer names at the boy who scored more goals in soccer practice. Though immersed in your pulsating vulnerability you didn't feel like you had any control in saying these things, you did. You composed the intent to make the other person feel as bad as you were feeling at the time. Does this mean you're a bad person? Of course not. You were hurt. Other individuals can't see deep inside the cauldrons of our emotions however, they only see the very surface and this leads to problems when it comes to jealousy. The emotion affects our relationships and can cause them to deteriorate. If we feel envious of our friends succeeding in things then our behavior towards them becomes less compassionate, more hostile, more aggressive, impatient etc, etc,etc. Not great ingredients for a growing relationship. Therefore, for our connections with other human beings leading to our happiness, we must learn to eliminate jealousy and envy from our stream of emotions. Don't bottle them up, that's the worst thing you can do and will just lead to subconscious communication of your jealousy. 

Now I want to address something I feel is very important. I know I felt as I admitted I used to be quite a jealous person that that was really bad. What a horrible trait that everyone would look down upon, no pity, just an ugly trait. But that's not how you should feel about the way you feel when you're jealous. Jealousy is simplified (like most things to do with our internal emotions) and called a sin or a bad trait to have. Don't feel like a sinner when you experience it though because its a lot deeper than that. Next time you feel either of the two emotions discussed, think and then think some more about their original source. Are you insecure in that area? Why? Is it completely irrational? And you'll realize that its just an unattractive expression of hurt. Don't get rid of jealousy to make yourself less of a sinner but to make yourself happier and to enable yourself to get more out of life.

And last but not least I want to share with you something I've been thinking about, how Jealousy/ Envy are not natural emotions. You wouldn't feel envious of a girl's skinny legs unless the media had plastered in your face skinny legs in a beautiful light, you wouldn't be envious of a friend earning a higher income than you if money didn't have such a high value of importance in the world we live in, so I suppose the question is was jealousy always so common place or is it a growing epidemic due to the rise in materialism and pressure to be a certain way? I'm not saying people in the 60's didn't have these things, I'm referring to the first human beings. Like were cavemen jealous of gucci watches?

Confidence, as the quote miles away up the page says, is the key to combating jealousy. Building up your own security will leave jealousy and envy no place to stay because then other people, their things, talents and opinions on you won't matter as much. Every time you feel jealous try and sink into a smile and remind yourself that you will always have something in you that's unique and incredible, no matter what other titles are stripped from you. There's something in you that can tackle every obstacle that comes your way. Thinking rationally on why you're jealous will leave you realising how silly you were for being jealous. Being independent is key for opposing jealousy, knowing you don't need anyone in your life is so empowering and liberating so if someone replaces or hurts you, you can console yourself with the fact that you are well able to be happy without them. 

Take the lighthearted approach, laugh at what you're beginning to feel jealous at. Don't get too serious about the whole thing and stop brewing over self pitying thoughts. 

Most of all, to combat jealousy and envy know that you are enough. What you possess is enough. Be grateful for the talents you have for gratitude is hands down one of the most important things in the world. Being grateful for what you do  have will push down jealous tendencies before they can erupt and cause disaster. Despite the fact that you're laughing/ scoffing at how cliche this is, know that you are so incredibly special and unique, you were put on this planet for a purpose and you will keep growing and growing for the better. Other people and words will tell you you're not enough because they have problems too. Rise above them and the hurt that would lead to you to becoming the green eyed monster and live happily.

Love,

Rachel! =)