Fake to be happy?

It recently came to my attention through observation of and discussion with other people, that a lot of folks seem to think that a person who is happy a large percentage of, or all of the time is fake! More people than you might expect almost look down on positivity and find it irritating to witness someone behaving in an "overly excited" manner.

And while we're on the subject, the same seems to apply for someone who's attitude towards others,
or beliefs are "boringly nice". People seem to prefer when one takes a negative outlook on life and kind of joins in complaining or going on about how bad their life is so that the other person doesn't feel so alone and can connect with someone.. through being negative.

 Its common for people who are down, being negative and not feeling good about themselves to dislike it when other people have taken a different route in life, have chosen to see the bright side because it makes them feel happy rather than the the pessimistic view to get a laugh or approval from others.

So what if its not cool to be happy or like and stand up for someone every one else is bitching about? What I always think of is, "why would I want to surround myself with someone who thinks frequent happiness, excitement or "niceness" is false? What good is them liking me (or more the satisfaction and consolation for spreading negativity) if I have to sacrifice my own happiness?"

" A lion doesn't concern himself with the opinion of sheep"

I know it can be hard to stand your ground when faced with a dominating character who almost forces this fog of negativity on you but as we grow and as we learn of the little importance other people's opinions on our attitude matters, I think we'll develop the ability to see through these people who say that happiness is fake and realise that a person's belief differing from yours does not equal being correct. Often times those with cynical attitudes need to bring others down to their level, which is to be pitied and I'm sure on some level we've all been there.

However, lets all ensure we won't be there in the future! If we're in a bad mood and someone with us is as chirpy as can be, lets not close off and resent them for it, attempting to infect them with our negativity... instead lets try to open up and allow their positive vibes to fill us and improve our mood!
After all, doesn't it feel better to be happy? More free to be positive? As well as making us more productive. If we're down about an injustice, because negativity is draining and creates a feeling of hopelessness, I believe if one wishes to solve that problem one needs to be positive, hopeful for change!

"Don't be afraid to laugh or smile when you're hurting. They have the power to heal. Let them"

Don't be afraid to express an opinion you have as raw as it feels. Don't feel the need to put an edge to it or add something less "nice" if its not what you believe. Your thought out opinion is as equal and important as everyone else's. Don't presume people won't appreciate it even if you think its too "goody two shoes-ish." there will be those who agree and are so glad you said it and maybe they're the people who you're meant to surround yourself with? And if no one agrees, who cares, pursue your belief because you do!

Now to address those who may actually be faking happiness on an everyday basis or at times throughout your life.
       
Its  OK to be sad. You are entitled to feel any emotion that you do feel and you should not feel ashamed or like you cannot tell anyone, like you have to cover it up.

Faking joy or excitement is pointless and does not mean you will instantly achieve the emotion you are imitating. You are avoiding a problem that needs to be dealt with and can be. Acceptance is key and that is why we often need to frown before we smile so that we can realise that yes, I am sad but I don't have to stay this way, I can pick myself up and see that the situation isn't as bad as I thought it was, there's more to life and always a reason to keep going.

Being genuine is extremely attractive and is so much better for ones own soul. There's a big difference between accepting that you're sad and dealing with it, aiming to get better and find the light, and being cynical, wallowing in self pity and dragging others down with you.

If you're not genuine in your feelings, then where can you be genuine?

So to conclude, I highly disagree with those that think people who are happy a large percentage of the time are "fake", being nice is not a bad thing and you don't have to balance it out with a negative edge.

What do you believe on this topic? Have you experienced it in your everyday lives?

                                                       Love, 
                                                          Rachel!=)

Suicide

Donal Walsh.

The above image is of a boy, who certainly deserves to be called a man. His life in this world ended on the 12th May 2013. Donal Walsh lived for 16 years on earth, 4 of which he spent fighting cancer. We all know cancer, have heard or been affected by it in some form, however I myself received a completely new insight into the unbelievable pain it causes physically, mentally and emotionally after reading this article where Donal himself speaks of the struggles as large as "mountains" that he had to face in his personal battle against cancer.

His determination in fighting the odds and surviving much longer than expected, in rehabilitation being able to walk again after six weeks when it was only expected for him to do so six months on, his strength in being able to discuss his inevitable death so openly and maturely in interviews and articles, as well as keeping his spirits and positivity levels up to a place where he could leave an impression on the people and make a difference to the world he was leaving behind. His intelligence in being able to gain a perspective on the world, think of himself as not being better than anyone else "We are all the same, we are all given one body, one mind. The only difference for me is that I'm looking from the mountain" An absolutely incredible thing to say.

I, like the whole nation, have become inspired by him, so much so that I felt the need to write this blog post in his honour but also to honour the message he wished to leave the world with. 

"Suicide is not a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

So for the remainder of this post I am going to give my views on the topic of taking your own life in order for even just one more person to become inspired by Donal's message and seek help.

I've read Donal speaking about how it makes him "angry that these people choose to take their lives, to ruin their families and to leave behind a mess that no one can clean up" Do you agree with him? Can you see his side of view? I don't believe it is as simple for what is going on inside the person's mind but I can understand his anger greatly.

Now, in preparation for this blog post I spoke to someone who has suffered from depression in the past, I wanted an accurate view of something I had never experienced or gone through myself. One thing they said that struck me was that for people contemplating suicide it doesn't feel like a choice. They think this is the only option. I could imagine how someone suffering from severe depression could think that because the mind is very powerful, it can make you convinced that things aren't possible when they are, it can narrow your options so that you feel you've only one when you don't, it can make things up and pretend they're real when they aren't. Our minds are often not rational and as I learned from speaking to this person, depression is not what a lot of us may think it is which is a deep sadness. You feel nothing and find it incredibly difficult to care about things. You feel hopeless. And of course not every person who feels depressed contemplates suicide but those who do feel like it is the only way out. 

"Having a rough morning?
Place your hand over your heart.
Feel that?
That's called purpose.
You're alive for a reason.
Don't give up."

However I am not going to continue to talk anymore about depression, something I can honestly say I have never been through and so cannot give advice. All I know, from speaking to this person with first hand experience and my own reasoning, is that help is the answer, seeking someone or a service that will listen to you is vital. Depression can also lead out from suppressed feelings, angst turned inwards. Everyone says it but its true, don't suffer it alone when there are so many people out there who want to help you and can. You may not think you have the right to or that you're weird and won't be accepted but you are not a bad person for feeling this way or not feeling at all. Do not be ashamed or judge yourself for your own thoughts, there are many other people who have gone through the same thing and reaching out to someone professionally or otherwise in good faith will help you realise this but also hopefully put things into perspective and guide you towards progress.

"There is always hope.
The world is vast and meant for wandering.
There is always somewhere else to go."

I truly believe that suicide is not the answer. You might feel so weak and deceived by your mind that the world is a terrible place, nowhere to turn, nowhere to escape to except for death. This is so untrue. Firstly,  know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. Sometimes we want to give up so badly but it is so important to persevere, just know that you CAN keep going no matter what has happened to you or is going on in your life, no matter where you are or what you think the the future holds. You can survive it. Think about yourself, think of all you've been through, all the happy times, the times you've looked in the mirror and yeah you've thought you looked good, the times you looked at someone with love and felt that incredible feeling or when you received it. Think of your dreams, your plans, the times you've felt proud or enthralled. Think of the whole range of emotions you've felt, think of the negative ones too and think of how you overcame them. Connect with yourself and realise that you've felt pain before, maybe this is the worst you've ever experienced but you will come through it. Pain itself is temporary, eventually time will heal and the pain will leave you. Strength. Strength. Strength.
To address the latter, you may feel hopeless, like the world is a terrible place. The spark of life has left and everything is dull. Look at the above quote and listen to this "Such wonderful things surround you". There is so much beauty in this world, so many amazing people and places, so many breath taking moments to be had, that to think there isn't is false and unjust to the world that is so busy and interesting. However I know a lack of perspective can get the better of us and we only see the crappy world in our mind or immediate situation, but lets broaden this tight perspective and stretch our imagination, realise that there is always a different route to go down and there will always be beauty in this world. Yes, I am not so naieve to think there isn't tragedy and problems but I am a big believer in change and if you find yourself bogged down on the negatives that exist in life, don't give up on it, why not put all your efforts into changing injustice in the world? If you're upset, hopeless about something you most certainly can't change then acceptance and embracing is necessary, changing one's attitude. Gratitude is so important. It can transform your life and bring a buzzing feeling to you about what's around you.Really look at everything in your immediate surroundings, taking in every single pigment of every single colour, every little detail we usually skim over. I do this in lots of places and I'm asking you now, why not give it a try? It will help.

"Worry is the deposit for a problem"

Do you ever look back on the past? Cringe or feel huge regret? Long for it to be like it was back then or just can't seem to leave it behind where it belongs? There is no point. We cannot change the past and what we've done, regret is useless and harmful. We cannot look into the future (we humans overestimate our confidence in knowing what lies ahead) and we don't know what's to come, nothing happens as you expect it will and YOU have the power to change it, take the power you have over your mind live in the present, if things aren't going well we need to try and find something positive to pull us through to a future we can make great.


So, friends, that is my appeal to you if you have ever, are, or may in the future contemplate taking your own life. Know that you are so much stronger than that and to refer back to Donal's case, I'd like to remind you, like he did, that life is precious. You are so ridiculously fortunate to be alive right now, everything else is a bonus but you have life, something so many don't have. Donal himself said he wished he's had even a few more months alive but he didn't have a choice, you may not think it but the choice is entirely yours. You are so fortunate and please remember this each and everyday. Pain is so unbelievably hard to bear sometimes but you are well able to. It will go away. Who knows what life will bring?

No matter who you are reading this, you may be young, old, white, black, overweight, underweight, loud, quiet, boy, girl, it doesn't matter. No matter who you are please use this post, my honour and sharing of what the great donal Walsh aimed to spread, as a sign, guide or reason to not commit suicide. You deserve this life and are strong enough to seek help and come through the other side which is happiness. 

Stay Strong.

Love,
Rachel! =)

Competitivness

I was always that kid in P.E class who thought they were in the Olympics. I genuinely was. I'd turn small things into a competition and if I cared about the actual thing then the competitive streak in me would be strengthened. However, this tendency to compete with others to be the best at sport, school, your job, being liked or having the most money is pretty pathetic, don't you think? Yet in a lot of cases being competitive is encouraged. I mean I remember my English teacher having that attitude completely. "I'm going to put you next to girl's who are excellent or better than you at English so there'll be a bit of competition" What???? Its a horrible, soul destroying thing to encourage, particularly with something as creative as English. 

For Example, My best friend Lauren is unbelievable at English (I mean incredible) and I also would have a passion for writing, however, not only do we have very different writing styles, but she is also a lot better than me. If I were to become competitive with her it wouldn't just damage our friendship but It would be pointless because I would be basing my success off of another person. If you're going to be competitive, be so with yourself. Be the best person you can be and work hard to do so but don't look and compare to other people, it won't make you happy.

Its a very unattractive thing to have in your behavior as well. To hear someone constantly try to one up you in a certain area or in general life is exhausting and leads to you resenting the other person which is never a good thing! Also, to think that when a person might be in competition mode that they would do anything to get what they want is kind of scary. A rugby player may lash out physically to get the ball but to think that someone would pull you down and like it when you mess up just so that they can be on top... I mean where's the empathy? Where's the inner peace? Where's the security within yourself to accept you for who you  are, not for how great you'd be if you could do something the way someone else does it. You have talents no matter how obvious or discreet they may be. And if you're talent is to play the trombone but Andrew in your class can play it better, why does it matter?

"How quiet the forest would be if the only birds that sang were the ones that sang best"

Are you doing it to be the best or because you love it? You can't keep doing something for the praise and if you don't enjoy whatever you like doing without it then there's no point in doing it. An opinion, a medal, notoriety or money is not worth doing what is wrong, losing your head and being unkind and thus sacrificing your own happiness. Your enjoyment for the activity should lift you above those comments so that you only feel like you want to do it after someone's told you you're good.

And its stressful to constantly be competing with someone, whenever they win/ do better at something you feel bad about yourself, bitter and the feeling of jealousy or even hatred. Why put yourself through that when you can stop it?

Now, for those of you who feel like competition brings about a motivation, without it people wouldn't really do things. I disagree. One's motivation in life should never be dependent on external sources or circumstances because one cannot control them. They change for better or worse so easily. Secondly competition can depress and create a sense of hopelessness if the person keeps "failing" at being better. Essentially, in my opinion (and I'd love to hear yours) I believe one's motivation should never come from a negative place like that and it should be solid. You'll probably feel like the work you do is even better because you'll be focusing in on yourself and eliminating the distraction of glancing over at Cindy in your class to see what she's doing.

All in all, from today forward would you agree with me in us all making the effort to think differently about what we generally get competitive in and realise though we've always been trained to think that we have to aim to be the best all the time, that that is a very pressurising, depressing and unnecessary thing to try to do. It doesn't matter if you came 75th if you've been fair in getting there, compassionate, and content with yourself. If you can retain your happiness as you watch a bunch of headless chickens at the top of the ladder then you're instantly winning.

                                                            Love,
                                                                Rachel =)

Celebrities

         Ah Celebrities. I must admit out of all the thoughts I have per day, the things I question and the conclusions I come to, until last night I had never properly pondered on this thing called "celebrity culture".
What happened last night you might ask? Well, I attended my first concert! Yay!!! And it was a Beyonce one which was great! The propaganda ( that's probably not the right word), lets say hype, which greeted us in the form of posters, t-shirts of the "Queen" smoking cigars (GANGSTER) and videos of her modelling for H&M and of her steaming ad for her perfume "Heat" were totally messing with our heads as thousands of us gaped at the stage in anticipation. As it would be my first sighting of a "celebrity" I was legitimately expecting God himself in all his stereotypes to emerge on stage, like literally, our creator. He didn't, I'm sorry to report, but the screams around me indicated otherwise. And it just hit me, why do we worship these fellow human beings? I mean that's what I saw, an extremely talented, beautiful and confident human being. Nothing more than that, and as I zoomed out, starstruck, I realised that it wasn't the person on stage that had paralysed me in admiration, it was the hype. It was the screaming faces and energy, it was the photo shopped pictures and essentially the screen through which I had come to know her over the years. Do you know what all of these things had led me to believe? That she was better than me, that she and all the other people who transition so strangely into the celebrity kingdom were better than all of the people standing alongside me.

                                                                              Why?

      Why would any one person be better than another? What makes someone better than the person next to them? A particular talent? An attitude? Wealth? These reasons are pathetic to me. It is my firm opinion that we are all equal in this world, yes all, and we all deserve rights and to not be treated or made feel like we are inferior to anybody even if they can sing, are pretty or work their ass off to get where they are. I believe that everybody has the right to have their voice heard and I think people as a whole need to have a lot more faith in themselves as more than just someone ordinary, not particularly special. However, what I've come to discover is that we love worshipping. It explains a lot of religions and of course celebrities. We love idolizing and we like to think that there's something or someone bigger than us. Maybe we just love the feeling of awe.
That makes sense, doesn't it? We become desperately excited by being whisked off in wonder from a world we've made dreary. We all want to see something perfect so we don't question when the media shows us something and tells us "this is perfection". We've had our confidence and self esteem knocked down so may times from a much too wide variety of sources that we never think that we could be as beautiful or as talented as those on the red carpet.

   Do I think only people who have something to say should be in the public eye? People like Bono or others who actually want to change the world and use the power of their voice for good? No. Who am I to say what's a correct opinion to put out there, everyone has a right to freedom of speech (or should have anyway). I just personally don't understand how someone could  have a shallow status where they're famous for having a talent (or don't, they're just able to live with a camera on them) and they don't try and change something wrong in the world with their connections. It astounds me.

    However that's just me. What goes beyond me though and becomes a worldwide issue is how these "celebrities'" choices and privileges are causing injustice. Tell me, why do these people earn millions upon millions? Why is it OK for them to wear shoes and coats made of animals, spending several thousand on numerous outfit changes per show? Why do they deserve all the unnecessary luxuries when there are millions of people living in poverty? Why? What makes them so special? Nothing. Nothing makes someone so important that they suddenly develop the rights to do that to animals and other human beings.

   You know me by now though, so you'll understand as I end this on an uplifting note where we try and grasp what must be going though these famous folks' heads.The mind is such a complex matter and who knows how we would act if we were thrown into this insane world. They feel fear, their hearts pounding inside their chests, they feel pressure and they are also swept up in an empty ideal of what fame will bring to their life. Don't always be fooled in thinking that they are happier then you could ever be. Constantly chased and criticised? Expected to look a certain way? Immersed in materialism? I mean think about it, how many celebs commit suicide or at least suffer depression? How many turn to drugs and alcohol, self harm and eating disorders? How many hide it? We need to think of the back story of all these fellow human beings and not forgot that they are just like you no matter what TV tells you. And there is always hope. Hope that more people will join the few well known individuals who donate greatly to charity, stay genuinely humble, make a change to injustice and therefore retain their happiness. For the need in all of us to worship something, (a) there are so many things to become truly fascinated by if we only looked at life differently to the way we've been trained to, we shouldn't worship the hype surrounding something or someone because its false! (b) Though lowering your self esteem seems simple for people and the media to do, I guess all I can say is that we need to find a way to worship ourselves in a sense, not in an egotistical fashion but in a loving and faithful manner. Believing in ourselves, connecting with our gut/soul/ whatever you want to call it and being the best person we can be, knowing that we're not better or worse than anyone else. Strip away our behavior, external circumstances, disabilities etc and we're all equal.
 
                                                               Love,
                                                                 Rachel! =)

Fate

Fate, destiny and all that jazz, has been a topic that I've avoided discussing for a while now because I felt like I hadn't done enough research on the matter, read enough theories etc. However what dawned on me was that I have enough experience pondering this earth and its inhabitants to draw my own conclusion about the mystery of fate and as of now I'm quite confident in my beliefs, so why not share them? As a warning, I'd like to let you all know that a good proportion of ye are not going to agree with what I say in this post. No one I've ever spoken to has and that's alright! I'd love to hear ye're opinions because this topic is such an interesting and baffling one! 

So I personally believe in Fate. I believe that every single thing happens for a reason, no matter how small. You see, I think what we've all observed about life is that a chain link of events can occur. One tiny thing can lead to something else which can lead to something else and so on. Fascinating, isn't it? And I don't think they're down to coincidence, quite frankly, I don't believe in coincidences whatsoever! You may be wondering what is the "reason" that everything happens for. In my opinion its to propel you onto the next thing or stage in life, so that a transition can occur and to add something to your life, to change you if only slightly. Life is sensitive. That is the basic message I'm trying to get across.

And you may be thinking that I hold no belief in "free will" or how we are completely in control of our own destiny. That's not entirely true. I think we are very much our own person. I believe in souls that have passed through many lives and that we've still retained that essence or spark that makes us, us. Therefore, I think that we possess control over our reactions to things as well as our attitudes to the whacky incidents  that occur in life. I also (though it sounds a bit strange) tend to not think about fate a lot, meaning that I don't stop myself from doing things and give in to fear because "its fate". I make sure to do what I want to and go for things with confidence when I can as if I didn't believe in fate because, while it may sound complicated, I wish the concept of Fate had never been created. I wish a term had never been given to this power I believe in so greatly and do you want to know why? Because I think we're meant to live life oblivious to the fact that fate exists. Maybe life in that way is meant to be a mystery, where we live with the principle of YOLO and live in the now, not holding back, but unbeknownst to us there is a force deciding every little thing that comes our way. The reason I say this is because I don't think anybody should not go for things or not attempt to live out their dreams just because of the notion that fate will do it all for us. Fate has planted the ideas and dreams in your head, you have them for a reason, if you chuck that reason away then it won't happen. I guess we need to work alongside fate!

All of the great, uplifting phrases of encouragement such as "What will be will be" need to be put into perspective by the reader. Do you take those few words and lose all enthusiasm for life, lie back and hand over all responsibility to "fate" or do you use them as words of comfort, consolation and to reinstall an eagerness to keep going and to keep working hard at what you want?

And now to contemplate what "Fate" actually is, where does it come from? How does it work? Well, personally I don't approach fate from a particularly religious view point. I think its a part of the mystery of life, a mystery we can try to but may never accurately figure out. All I have is a very strong feeling and belief that this thing I've heard of is real and true, that we need to think in a more abstract way of why things happen and why things don't. You may only use it as an antibiotic to negative thoughts after something going wrong or you may completely disagree with it, I don't know! All I want you to do after reading this blog is to think about it and let me know your thoughts!

                            What do you think?

                                                 Love,
                                                    Rachel! =)

When did what's "normal" become what's "right"?

I've always known that there is no such thing as normal. Nobody can hit average one hundred percent exactly in the middle. As human beings we all have inner and outer quirks that separate us from the next person. Therefore it is not possible to live a normal life, to do every single thing in a "normal" fashion. However, there is an outline in the world, among us people, of what we think normal is. What the majority of people look like, say or do is regarded as what I've recently come to observe, correct.

This hits me in the face as something really stupid but very accepted among us all. Would I be right in saying that when you hear something you think or do, a feature of your appearance being called normal that you feel better? That you instantly think you've received a clarification that this certain thing is OK to keep? More than likely you do. I have and I've watched other people react the same. But what I want to state is that surely just because a majority do something doesn't mean its correct. A certain action or attitude is not deemed right just because its been normal practice for generations.

One example that I would like to use is the practice of eating animals. I think we can all agree that eating meat and animal products is a very normal thing to do. I believe that because it is so normal and accepted on a widespread level, that people don't question whether its right or wrong. There's a certain guarantee involved in knowing the people around you are doing the same thing. However, most of us upon deep or not so deep reflection would realise that torturing, killing and eating animals is a cruel thing to do. What worries me though is that our creation of a thought called "normality" is more than capable to suppress what we believe to be right. 

And its evident everywhere,So many teenagers take drugs, have sex and drink much too much alcohol than what they know is right for their own body, mind and soul and yet because its normal for their peers to do, they do it anyway. Its normal for us to argue a certain way by raising our voices and becoming defensive, its normal to be self conscious, its normal to be negative, its normal not to question authority, its normal to judge and categorize other people but does that mean any of these are right? 

You see, I've learned that people don't like change, they don't like the unfamiliar. Obviously there are those that do but in general there are so many people that don't like it. Moreover most people are too fearful to try and change the world in some way either minor or major. So humans have taken the easy route by adapting to the world and its traditions, acquiring knowledge subconsciously on how to be as normal as possible. However change is necessary for the world at present. We cannot continue allowing poverty to be normal, accepting the corruption in politics, thinking that there are always going to be lost causes in the world in the form of "evil people", and contributing to the poison that is stereotypes and expectations of how a person should act, what they should say. We need to remove the limit on what we find comfortable and embrace the unfamiliar because we simply need to allow what's fair, just and overall right to take over the world through people's motives. Just because something's normal now doesn't mean its always going to be and we need to come to terms with the fact that change is very possible.

Change is out there for you to make and if you live a life where you always try your best to do what is fair and just then you cannot go wrong. Forget normality because you'll never achieve it as it is ever changing and not real. What is real however, is the injustice that is in the world and the power you have to change that. 

Sometimes, you're just going to have to pick between being normal and being right.

Love,

Rachel!=)