Anger

Anger isn't very nice, is it? Whether you are angry or receiving anger from someone else, it seriously impedes on your progress in life. Well, as a matter of fact it shouldn't affect your life if someone else is angry with you, most times we actually have the physical ability to ignore them and carry on with our lives but usually our emotional inability gets in the way and their problem becomes ours, our problem becomes theirs.

You see, I've recently come to the conclusion that anger is a very simplistic reaction to human behavior. If we allow our selves to ponder, when you become angry with someone, any attempts to find the root of the problem or see their point of view has more or less gone out the window. Its irrational, impulsiveness over flowing from the top of the emotions tube. There is no point to it (you could argue its important for getting your point across/ making people realise truth) but it doesn't really. The reality is they seize up, become supremely defensive and dislike you and your attitude. It does you no good either, you have a swamp of negative emotions cooped up inside of you, you find it easy to become further angered by major injustices blown up from a minor one and everything gets out of hand with no resolution. So anger is never right.

What I've more recently discovered is that realising and practicing this are two very different things. You see an injustice, you see the smug faces, you see the victim, your mom won't leave your room without picking up every single thing off the ground, these frightfully infuriating things cause rage within many of us and I don't know where its derived from? I don't think its as simple as just "having a short fuse". I will agree you're not 100% happy and content with life if you become angered easily but I don't think its derived from unhappiness. I feel it possibly occurs from narrow perspectives and hidden hurt. I don't think its fair to decide that you have to become angered from injustice because its not right to, it serves no purpose but harm and it means you aren't stepping into those people's shoes, seeing their world and their battle. Just because anger is the first emotion which puts itself forward in a lot of situations doesn't mean you go with it because staying calm will prove a lot more effective. It doesn't mean you sit back, do nothing and don't have your say but coming across as aggressive and intimidating will get you no further to your goal and quite frankly, think about your words used in anger, would you like to hear them? Are they fair to say in that way to someone who is also fighting their battles and have their own problems? Probably not if you truly think about it.

What helps me to cool down after I've got a bit worked up :

Put things into perspective: People say to think of things in relation to the universe and outer space and how in comparison you are nothing but that doesn't click with me. I prefer to think of anger as this totally irrational force which is pulling you away from  the facts. You need to head back to logic because it eliminates anger in most cases. You also must realise that anger solves nothing!

See things from others' point of view: Vital in controlling anger. You need to attempt to comprehend why a person is saying certain things and behaving a certain way. You've done things which have angered other people before, would they have been so mad if they knew how you were feeling inside, your motives? Probably not, so you must think like this in relation to other people. We need to burst this self- absorbed bubble we often blow for ourselves.

Music: Some people find hardcore rock good for shouting away the angst, others calming melodies. I prefer upbeat tunes with happy lyrics! It brings me to a good mood which music has such a power to do! I recommend finding a genre of and specific songs to listen to when you're racked up because you can enter your own world for a bit and maybe gather some perspective.

Smile and Laugh: This really works for me! I don't like to say you're just tricking your mind into thinking you're happy but you're just using your body to look on the bright side. It'll really cheer you up!

Talk: Speak to someone who you know can calm you down. Often getting an objective view will add in our efforts to come back to yourself and perspective.

Be Raw: Don't treat anger fakely. What I mean is don't stay angry because you think it looks cool, gives you an edge or you saw it on tv. If you're not keeping up the behavior for other reasons aside from the raw frustration you initially felt, it will be a lot easier and quicker to eliminate it.

Finally, realise that Christmas isn't too far away and you'll be fine! Only 272 days now!!! :D

                                                                                 Love,
                                                                                     Rachel :)

Quotations Sunday: Perceived Perfection

I observed a face book status yesterday evening, addressing the images of girls on weheartit and their ability to "depress" us inferior females. If you are not familiar with this website packed with a mixture of beautiful yet  ridiculously idealistic pictures of all things gorgeous in life, be warned that before you type in the URL, make sure to conjure a sufficiently high self -esteem.

The reason I entitled this Quotations Sunday "Perceived Perfection" is because I think we all have this idea that the grass is always greener on the other side or that other people are more perfect than us. (By Perfect, I'm referring to "traditional perfection", the complete and utter illusion which humans have created during their time here) And what's funny is that we use the word all the time, have a clear image of what the perfect legs, hair, personality etc are and yet there is no such thing as perfection as we know it. Nobody can be traditionally perfect every second of every day. 

Who takes these pictures????

And yes, on first glance, the ignorant depression kicks in as we look and realise they are counted as more perfect/ more attractive than you or me. However we must revert back to our wise quote which states that the reason we feel these insecurities when we see models in magazines and online is because we've seen ourselves at our "worst". We've seen ourselves after eating 4 bags of M&M's, in Penney's Christmas pyjamas with greasy hair and plonked in front of the TV. We've never seen these models at their worst or anywhere near it. We've only seen their "highlight reels" yet we illogically compare our "behind the scenes" if you will to their best takes. Why do our we do this? 

Even more so, we can't trust everything the media shows us. Their aim is to sell, its a business and therefore has no emotions or conscience. It doesn't care how insecure you become once you buy that yellow bikini, fake tan or those jeans. So why try and please something so emotionless? Don't lose your intelligence which you were born with to fall for their tricks including photo shop, lighting and other technological facilities I don't understand! You were born to question things, its something buried in all of us so let's question perfection as its perceived in our minds. If you ponder a little bit you'll discover that the only reason you want a flat stomach or a six pack is because someone else told you it was good, it was liked, it was perfect. What's even more important to discover is that you wouldn't be a fraction as insecure if you saw the behind the scenes of all the perfect people out there, if their photographs were taken using a crappy phone quality camera and if it wasn't ingrained in you that there was an image and characteristics to perfection and that only a select few can possess them.

All in all,  I hope you can realise that being a perfectionist will only lead to unhappiness and take away from the beauty of life. I really don't know why human beings decided to introduce the idea of perfection into the world and its brain. I doubt animals or plants know of it. However, if it was composed by people, it can be destroyed by people. Let's start with ourselves, accept that the media will never allow you to be perfect on its terms, it'll keep changing and besides wouldn't it genuinely be boring to be perfect? I mean really think about it.......I wouldn't pick it.

"The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection.

George Orwell "

So cheer up, you are beautiful! And before you dismiss this statement, think about where the denial is coming from. When you find the source(s) you will realize that they're pretty stupid!

                              Love,

                                                                                Rachel!=)

Pressure And Thus Stress!

But its not this obvious in real life, and that's part of the problem.


We receive pressure from various areas of our lives, I suppose one could say we have adapted to being able to handle pressure, which is on a certain level, quite well. I am not one of those people however. From experience I have learned that I react pretty horribly and obviously to pressure thrust upon me. Then again, I think its a tad bit incorrect for me to say I'm rare in reacting negatively to pressure in the form of stress because many people do. The only difference is that most people are better at hiding it and burying it away, living with stress on an everyday basis.

I think the thriving mental states for pressure to succeed is where a person has lost all sense of perspective. They're just focusing on this illusion called pressure (and that's all it is) and have put all their attention on it and its demands. They don't realize that their is a broader picture and on the scale of life the pressure they're feeling won't last forever or that the area in which they're feeling stressed in is not as important as they think. Stress, I feel, is also derived from illogical thinking. One feels overwhelmed and not only loses perspective, but the ability to look at the situation rationally. If you sat down after reading this and thought of one thing in your life which stresses you out then thought about it logically. Are you blowing the situation out of proportion? What will really happen if you don't succeed in whatever you're feeling pressurized to accomplish? If you think more objectively when it comes to pressure, stress will not be as quick to settle in.

I mentioned that pressure was just an illusion, a figment of your imagination, a creation of the mind. This is true. If you think about it, you choose to feel the pressure and as a result become stressed. Contrary to popular belief, no one can make you feel those things. You may question this and say that if someone keeps attempting to make you smoke a cigarette that's pressure, surely? However it is you who processed that as pressure, you took on a weight for their demand and turned it negative, and as a result you became stressed and anxious about what to do and how to react. I know state exams are coming up shortly in Ireland and students are probably under a whole lot of academic pressure to do well and get good results. I was there last year so I know the pressure and stress involved, more over I now know how stupid I was to allow myself to feel that way. Exams are a classic example of pressure. Most students slide into the mindsets of losing perspective and not thinking rationally when it comes to grades and achieving good ones. Other things attribute to the huge amount of pressure felt as well such as lack of sleep, maybe poor eating habits, and generally not taking the best care of yourself physically. Certain teachers, the encouragement of competitiveness and the education system as a whole doesn't help either! Ignoring these unfortunate and hopefully-will-be-changed-in-the-future facts, the message I would like to give all stressed out youths with their heads full of books, is that exams are not only not the be all and end all, they're a lot less then that again. I'm not saying screw school or stop studying, what I'm saying is be more calm about exams and make sure you rank their importance to a rational level in your mind. Do not say that you will pull an all nighter or study 14 chapters in one morning. Unless you are a robot you will fail. Trust me, you don't think I've done it before? Most importantly take care of yourself and don't let school become your life and affect you physically or in any way negatively. Still make time for taking care of your skin, eating well etc. Keep things up outside of school or you'll, like I said, lose all perspective of the outside world. There is life after exams, and a great one to be had regardless of the results!

"Worry is the deposit for a problem"

Pressure and thus stress can also come in quick bursts at random moments throughout your day. You might be given a task at work to be done in 10 minutes, a pop quiz at school or come across a medical emergency on the street where you have to think fast. Sitting down and connecting with the logic in you might not always be possible at these times but panicking isn't the answer. Your general mood and disposition before you stumble on an obstacle is important. If you're a natural worrier (hello Mom's of the world) then try and work on being more relaxed on a day to day basis, see the funny and light- hearted side of life. Laugh at problems, like comedians do so well. Who doesn't love laughing? Having a more positive attitude and an all round calm and happy outlook on life makes unexpected events easier to deal with. Always look on the bright side because there is no positives to looking on the dark side.

The other type of pressure I'm going to address is peer pressure. Though often assosciated with, it is not limited to teenagers. All groups in society are susceptible to force from those around them at some point and I guess because we're stereotyped under not knowing fully who we are yet and therefore being at a self- conscious point of this adventure its counted as something we must tackle everyday. And a lot do. There's pressure on what to wear to not look like a "nun" but not like a slut either, to smoke, to drink, to have sex, to keep quiet instead of speaking out, to not say something that's weird, to be skinny, etc, etc, etc. And like I said earlier, if you feel like a "victim" to this pressure, you have the ability to not be. You have the capability to unload the pressure and do your own thing. Confidence and bravery is required but also perspective. These people are not god? Even more so, their judgements are not important at all. It can have no affect on you unless you  let them. You have a lot more power than you know. Follow your honest convictions because the guy you like now and the friends who pressurise you won't be there when you're addicted to worsening your black lung, when you're wasted and feel vulnerable, when you're pregnant or have gotten someone pregnant, when you've overdosed or driven under the influence and are dead. Will they? What's more important? Your happiness and your life or their fleeting grins of satisfaction derived from their own unhappiness? Its your choice not mine.

To finish, I'd like to leave asking for all who read this to actually think about whether they're stressed because its not always obvious like in the picture above. Sometime it can be tense shoulders, the pitch of your voice or unexpected reactions to situations. Its really important to identify when you're feeling stressed because it builds up unbeknownst to you and impedes your life indirectly. Essentially lets abandon ship and become hippies.
Love,
Rachel =)

Coolness

Really cool.....

Perhaps it is because I am a particularly awkward individual at the best of times, but I really can't comprehend the "swag" epidemic! And its not just that term alone, its the whole message and vision behind it. To me, a very fake vision. Because in my opinion, no person walking this earth is "cool". I think that everyone has a vulnerability about them and if someone appears extremely swagish (is that the word?) then I believe there is a huge pretence element involved. 

You see, my logic with the whole "vulnerable" thing is that as human beings our whole existence is based off of confusion. We don't have a freaking clue why we're here, what we are, what the purpose is, what a purpose is and much, much more. All we have to believe is what we've been told so we are not 100% invincible. We've all experienced embarrassment, awkwardness and feeling uncomfortable with oneself so  even 50 cent above and all the other 'cool' gangster rappers have a vulnerable side and raw human feelings. To think about it on a more relatable level, those groups at work or in school who are the "cool crowd" are composed of people who are a lot more complex than the title "cool" denotes. They mightn't even realise that they're seen as cool from your perspective and if they do think they're better than everyone else and have the word "loser" in their vocabulary then they're putting up a huge amount of bravado to mask their insecurity.

I suppose my huge opposition to pressure of any kind plays a part in my opinion too. Why? you may ask. Well, if you think about it, when people try and be smooth and I'll say it again cool, you can see the pressure not to trip when they're swag walking or stumble over their words. If you do something awkward, have the confidence to embrace it. These said people are essentially trying to be something they're not. 

"Nothing is ever as it seems"

A fact, if ever there was one. Appropriate in this post because cool individuals are not always as they seem to be. This is probably the most original advice ever but you don't have to change yourself to fit in with the cool kids. Don't smoke to be cool because smoking isn't as it seems, all sexy and french. It ruins your lungs and health. Drugs? Bit of fun? Cool? But they're lethal too. And I suppose what I want to put across is that you shouldn't do something with the sole purpose of being cool, appearing cool.  Nothing is ever as it seems and you'll never feel cool for smoking or drinking too much. You'll just look cool for a split second to someone who is also trying to be cool and hide their insecurity, which is their inability to ditch the desire for swag. Do you see what I mean? If you try and act cool to the different people you meet and you get in with the 'it' crowd then how are you going to make true relationships with people who think you're someone you aren't? You're missing out on great friendships with people who would have been your friend, not your coolness' friend but yours.

So yeah! Forget this whole notion that you have to be cool guys, or more importantly let's use the word another way. Cool is now given to someone who is being themselves because that's a very difficult thing to do. Following trends and the crowd isn't. Essentially, don't allow someone else to tell you what's cool, develop your own meaning for the word and never look down on anyone. We can be honest instead of cool and most importantly, happy! :D

Love,

Rachel!=)

Quotations Sunday: Kindness

What do you think? Nodding of the heads, sudden epiphany's, immense denial? I'm not sure, all I know is that I think this quote is so true, so true but so terribly difficult to follow. You see, it almost says it itself  "everyone is fighting a hard battle" and because of that, kindness doesn't always come naturally to us to bestow on others.

But we should, lets start with that. I have only realized recently the huge importance of compassion and mercy when it comes to those we meet, know and love. You can't see them or sometimes even feel them but we all have our problems, some have big and others small. We're all vulnerable and trying to make sense of this place which we were brought in to. No instruction leaflet, no tour guide. Obstacles and difficulties are bound to arise. So while it is true that you could turn the quote and claim that you have your own problems so how are you supposed to take note or acknowledge somebody else's, however maybe you could turn it around and say that your own problems give you a deeper empathy and understanding for other people. 

And it is possible, yes it can be so easy to lose your temper or become annoyed but we still should all strive to be kinder in our everyday lives to everybody. "But what about that one in my class who's rotten to me?", "What about my Ex?" Yeah, them too. They all have their battles and their behavior doesn't always coincide exactly with how they're feeling inside. If we don't realize that, then we're instantly placing a load of pressure on ourselves to make our behaviors 'perfect'. Do you want that for yourself?

"Compassion and Tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength"

Believe me, this is a note to self as much as a preach to you but no matter how annoying someone is, try and see things from their point of view. You'll be happier too because it never makes you feel good truly to bring negativity into the world. You might lose your edgy-oh-you're-so-cool-with-your-humorous-way-of-insulting-and-pointing-out-someone's-flaws reputation and you might even be thought of as weak for being nice and not giving up on people or just generally being empathetic and humane. However bear in mind that all you have at the end of the day, at the end of your life, is your character, your mind, your soul. You won't have that friend or be with that gang forever. The laugh they pay you shouldn't compensate for the hurt you've caused the other person and even more it won't last more than a few minutes. A strong character will last forever and d'you know what? I've found that people respect you more in the end for sticking by your morals. Set an example for people who just spew unkindness, its hope for everyone, most importantly them.

This quote means a lot to me because its a constant reminder that no matter how much I think I know about someone I'll never know who they truly are. I might know the events of their past but never how much they may have affected them and changed them. I haven't felt everything they've felt, thought every thought they've thought so I will never know them. And neither will you. What is safe to say is that they are "fighting a hard battle" and not often an obvious one. Kindness is the way for them and yourself. If you think about it, anger and annoyance (we all experience it) is a very simplistic reaction to human behavior. Does it ever help? Not really because even somebody who's done something wrong doesn't deserve to be made feel smaller than they already do. I understand "always" is a strong word and a tricky one to obey, but to every extra person you're kind to, you are becoming a soldier helping them in and making their battle a little easier to win. I firmly hold the belief that people are good and vulnerable. That to me is beautiful.

Agree with this week's quote?

                                                           Love,
                                                              Rachel=)

Honesty

How do you feel about honesty? No, but how do you really feel about honesty? You don't want to be lied to, but if someone told you your outfit was truly horrendous you might change your attitude. Because honesty is kind of pushed around a bit,  it's thought correct in theory but then isn't practiced enough in the world. So is it right to be honest? What's the limit? Where should you and should you not be honest?

Obviously I can only speak for myself, but if there's one trait in a person I rank above any other it is genuine, sincere honesty. All this mysterious business doesn't intrigue me the way honesty endears me. I can't stand people being cunning and lying their way through life. It must be awfully sad, exhausting and stressful to constantly be trying to find happiness in a weave of lies. Then again, lying is so easy, isn't it? I can preach all I want but I've told my fair share. Sometimes we lie to ease tensions and possible pain for ourselves or others, other times we lie to make a story or our lives sound more interesting. But are we ever happy when we lie, truly happy? I know myself that honesty just makes me feel so much better, sometimes it can be terribly difficult but in the long run I feel more at peace with myself. Makes sense, doesn't it?

      I think some people are naturally more open and honest, and others more reserved. While I am drawn to people who aren't very secretive, I respect people who are more on the private side too. That comes down simply to who you are and how easily you trust a person. However, when it comes to people running their thoughts through an editing software before they utter a syllable and don't believe in speaking the truth when it matters, I simply can't understand it. So many people are afraid to speak their mind and point out when something's wrong. This is why there's so much corruption in the world, tell me I'm talking through my hat here and maybe I am because I don't watch the news, I know sweet damn all about current affairs but what I do know is that human beings have a tendency on all levels of society to keep their mouths shut or gloss over things, putting something forward in an around about way instead of stating the blatantly obvious facts. Its because we want to be like able, we don't like the sound of boos or the looks of annoyance and irritation. We want people to applaud us greatly and tell us we're great. We want a clap on the back and a proud smile. That's what it comes down to. We've also soaked up from the world that opinions can be wrong and moreover that its bad to make a mistake. Its instilled a great deal of fear in us to the point where we want to speak what's 'right' even though the only thing that's right is our gut feeling.

That's all jolly fine, yes honesty is vital when it comes to telling Pat Kenny that he gets paid too much or that politicians should carpool but what about telling your girlfriend she looks fat in those jeans? What about telling your best friend about the foundation lines? Is that right? I mean it is honesty, she really should get the size up and do a little more blending but its just so harsh. I know this type of honesty I fail at. I really feel when other people are upset or uncomfortable so when they look at me with those insecure eyes of desperation  what am I supposed to do? Lie clearly. And it makes them feel better, they never know otherwise. Maybe ignorance is bliss in those cases. Then there's the question of how someone will ever improve if you don't tell them it was a bad performance, that they deserve to know if you don't like them in that way. Its a difficult one and I suppose the best thing to do is train yourself to tell them the truth but in a compassionate manner. Maybe we're afraid to tell people the truth they won't like because we know it would hurt us if we found out. However isn't that just us needing to lose our sensitivity to the truth? The truth hurts sometimes but there's no point in evading it because we need to move forward from constructive criticism and grow. In saying that, there's no need to be rude or ridiculing about it but informing someone gently is probably the best for them and ye're relationship...

All in all, I am honesty's biggest fan. There's a lot of corruption in the world, a lot of lies, a lot of people out for themselves faking their way through life but they are not happy so don't try and beat them. You'll never be on top permanently. Always strive to be genuine and speak from the heart, because then you'll never be wrong. Most of all, make sure to be honest with yourself and connect to your core often. If you lie to yourself then you often just feel unhappy or self conscious and you don't know why because its very hard to realise and it almost buries itself deep inside of you. Remember, its perfectly OK to make a mistake and speaking what you feel is true is never wrong.

          What's your view on honesty?
                                                          Love,
                                                               Rachel=)

Confidence and Speaking Out!

Confidence is a topic which I am very interested in and I think it is much more complex than people make it out to be. I love the image I used above because its a perfect description of how I feel on the matter. However, before I go into that lets start with the basics.

What is Confidence? We all pretty much know what it is. Its being sure of the truth of something, being secure and being able to rely. Self-confidence is the belief in yourself that you are capable, to have a high sense of  respect for yourself and (shock, horror, disaster:O) to love yourself. We all know people in our lives who we feel is confident, maybe we all even have our own definitions for it. You may even disagree with having confidence and dislike those who do. 

"Confidence is what it takes to stand up and speak. Confidence is also what it takes to sit down and listen"

Wise words from old Churchill, aren't they? Because I suppose most of us think that those people who are really outspoken and well able to voice their opinion are the only confident ones. Is that true? I don't think so. I mean I am that person who always puts their hand up in class and I adore speaking in public, my biggest belief and motto is "Speak Out". However if you don't have the security as well to be able to listen and respect other people when they speak then you possess a huge lack of confidence. People who aren't 100% confident in what they're saying often speak over and shoot down other people's expressed thoughts, they need to keep speaking to reassure themselves and others that what they're saying is correct. While saying this, there is also the possibility that they do have confidence in what they're saying and fighting for, they just mightn't have huge confidence in the outcome (basically they might be afraid that what is wrong will prevail)

So I suppose we can conclude that someone might look confident but in reality be faking it. Just because someone can be the life and soul of a party or scream all the time in class it doesn't mean they're confident. I can generally see right through people who are faking it, but it is difficult because its so complex and as the picture illustrates some days someone could be full of genuine confidence, high self esteem and not care about other people and their opinions and the next feel very self conscious and worthless.  

And what's also strange is that you could have total confidence in one part of you, like your intelligence, and then have zero percent confidence in another for example your appearance. As usual though its what you're insecure about that usually prevails and impacts on your life most.

"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside of you that is greater than any obstacle"

Like other traits and adjectives we've pinned to people, Confidence is one that is (usually) looked highly upon. People would generally like to think of themselves as confident, and those who don't can you please tell me why? Anyway this desire and high respect for self- assured folk makes others feel that they must appear confident all the time. If you are, then that's terrific but I think its important that we realise we don't need to be invincible and that its perfectly ok to ask for help and admit to weakness on our way to unbreakable confidence. Make sure you're always honest with yourself if you have an insecurity or doubt. If you don't then its not true confidence, its denial.

"Be yourself no matter what they say" That is easier said than done! Bear in mind all that I am in my teenage years which is stereo typically a time where a person goes on a very long search to find themselves (5 years in fact) and then you're supposed to miraculously become fully formed the day you turn eighteen. This isn't always possible for everyone and while I have a very strong sense of who I am, I've often wondered what that phrase "Be yourself" actually means? Like, who am I???? We've all thought this, correct? But deep down I guess we know who we are. The way we act naturally with close friends and family is the most accurate reflection of ourselves. However most of us find it very difficult to act in the same manner to every person we meet, and I suppose confidence ties in majorly with discovering and being who you are. Admit to liking Justin Bieber even if everyone else hates him, do what makes you happy even if they're "weird" because bear in mind those who question or dislike you because of it have their own problems and vulnerability. They've all felt terribly insecure and awkward, suppressed their own desires and wishes because of insecurity. THEY WERE BORN NAKED AND CRYING. :P

"You are beautiful when being yourself, you don't need others to accept you, you just need to accept yourself"

And finally, I would like to address the importance of speaking out. I am an extremely righteous person and I love public speaking, that combination means that I voice my opinion a lot. I totally believe in it. Why be silent when you have something to say? I'm all about honesty and speaking the truth and I think  much too many people are afraid of doing so. At a talk I attended the other day, the point was brought up that women lack the confidence to put themselves out there and the whole belief that women who speak their minds are bitches. This is ridiculous to me and I think it stems from the whole problem that women are almost encouraged to be insecure and self- conscious "You don't know you're beautiful, that's what makes you beautiful" A One Direction lyric. Teenage fan girls (and there are a lot of them)  then feel like rejecting compliments and lacking in confidence is a good thing and after a while of behaving this way, you begin to feel this way. Lacking in confidence can only bring you unhappiness. People in general also put other people's problem of judging onto themselves. If someone judges you critically for saying what you feel that is their problem  not yours. If anyone ever tells you or makes you feel that being confident is wrong that is because they are lacking in confidence and are jealous. Don't become them, you need to move forward because that is their only hope too.

So peeps, "never be silent about things that matter" and "speak the truth even if your voice hurts"

A song that I really connected to and truly motivates me to be myself and speak out is "Read all about it part 3" by Emeli Sande She's really great and I highly recommend clicking the link and giving it a listen!

And your pondering question is...

Are you confident?

Love,

Rachel!=)

Quotations Sunday: The Idea of Society

Random, nameless girl?
This quote was a realisation for me, not a group of words with which I connected with but a sentence that made me think about what I mean when I use the term "society" flippantly when I talk, what we all mean. Because its very easy isn't it? When we have a problem with the workings of the world we explain it by saying "society tells us...", "a product of society", "you're not ugly, society is" etc. I've said it many times in my blog posts and I'll mention the word in many more but when you come to think about it, what is society?

Society is us. Yes you. No matter who you are reading this you are making up the collective term given to the world's population, the different groups of people filling the earth. So when we call society ugly, pressurising and messed up we often refer to it as a seperate entity to which we have no control over. This is totally false. You are as equal a member as any other in this immense and diverse club and so you have the power to change its rules and traditions as much as anyone can. It kind of ties in with this amazing quote:
"Be the change you want to see in the world"
Its easier said than done though, isn't it? We all know what we hate about the world and we all know the type of person we'd love to meet but we don't connect that we can play a role in changing this. If you don't like negativity or bitching then you can shorten its lease in the world by ceasing to partake in it. The media and society are often interlinked so if you feel "society" is ugly because beauty in its eyes is a size zero then the only contribution you can make is to never mock someone for being overweight, or never whine about not being the smallest size, stop liking pictures on tumblr which read "I need to get skinny for summer". Do you see what I mean? There are a billion other examples of course. The change you want to see is peanut butter eradicated? Stop eating it.

Addressing the second quote, (Holy Moly another quote within a quote post, this is like inception!) I feel the change you might want to see in the world applies with people too. You want to meet someone who's a great listener? Become one. You want to meet someone who is patient with you and kind? Be that person to someone else. Its important that we realise that we can't wait for other people to change the world for the better in our eyes. We have to take the first step. You don't have to arrive in as prince charming or God and fix everything that has ever been broken on the globe. You just have to try and follow your honest convictions everyday, if you fail one day just try again the next. Remember to fail better though (I'm integrating so many quotes into this post :P)

However instead of using this quote to beat yourself up or panic because you suddenly think you are the reason for wars, depression and bullying, think of it as an empowering post. Society is not one person or creature, it is you, it is me, it is all of us!  Hopefully you now know that you do not have to watch from the sidelines while a parade of society's products cruise by destroying the path. You can change the world today. You don't need a gun, a mind blowing speech or a license. Just do what is right no matter what.

What's your view on Society?
Love,Rachel!=)

Feminism

I am very aware of the stigma attached to feminism, I've heard it being referred to as the "f" word and many women and men don't wish to be associated with it or label themselves as feminists. Personally I think its because many assume it is a bra burning, men loathing group of people but its not, not in my eyes anyway. I had that attitude when I was like thirteen but my feminist values have very much changed since then. They are now more tame and broad. However, I still definitely regard myself as a feminist. I define it simply as an equality belief. I don't think we're better than men, I simply acknowledge that women have come along way in the beady eyes of a man's world and more importantly have a bit to go before we can live in harmony.

“When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she's a bitch.” 

I actually possess a great deal of knowledge on this topic, which is unlike me as I generally prefer writing from internal feelings and experiences. Regardless I've read books and articles on Feminism and Women's rights so I actually have evidence to back me up:O One was an angsty book, which would depress you more and more after each sentence. It talked a lot about how its difficult for women in the workplace because many meetings or conferences take place in gentle men's clubs (which I'm assuming is a classy way of saying strip club??) and heterosexual women naturally find this uncomfortable. I'm also fully aware of the immense difference in gender equality between third world countries and the first world. Women are complete second class citizens which is sad to think of isn't it? We might feel like there's no need for feminism because we feel its some women overreacting or being hormonal bitches. But its not, there's a much bigger picture.

“A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men.” 

And even aside from the obvious, basic human right depriving ways of some cultures which are forced on their women, we here in developed countries still need feminism. Yes maybe its subtle and kind of hard to put your finger on or justify but sexism is still out there! What I want to address is this whole sex  object phenomenon which women have sunk into! I haven't forgotten that I wrote a blog post about the terms "sluts" and "whores" where I defended women who have casual sex and wear little clothing. I stand by that! A woman should be allowed to treat her body and her sexual instinct the way she wants to. That's equality. What's not equality is women being sex trafficked, drugged and thrown into brothels to be raped over and over and over again. Even on a lesser scale this pressure to wear half nothing or else you can't get a man's attention, the fact that a woman's body is constantly talked about by men as if she has no brain or feelings or that she isn't even a human being. The fact that a lot of men subconsciously put women they see in magazines and porn into the same box as the cars they see on the next page. Where's the feminism in that? How is that equal? Once again I wish to reiterate that women taking pride in their bodies and wishing to reveal their bodies and dress femininely is fantastic, a huge step but us becoming sex objects? That's just a leap backwards...

“A woman reading Playboy feels a little like a Jew reading a Nazi manual.” 
― Gloria Steinem

Stereotypes is another huge problem I guess everyone faces really. The reality that in advertisements and such where women are always calling for "Mr. Muscle" and always the voice behind the washing up liquid. We're always in the kitchen basically. We're never the superheroes and we're never the builders (unless they're super hot sweaty builders with little clothing) and so I guess the stereotypical placing annoys me. Because we have so much more rights now the law is on our side but until attitudes change we cannot be equal. Emerging from the telly though, Its true that house husbands/ stay at home dads are not as common or as accepted in society as stay at home mothers and wives. Men are still the more common bread winners of the family and until 50% of stay at home parents are men then 50% of the workforce will not be women. And its shocking how few women work in the senior jobs or in politics and a huge chunk of that problem is confidence. That will be a topic I will discuss in another blog! Prepare for a long 'un.

“Women make up one half of society. Our society will remain backward and in chains unless its women are liberated, enlightened and educated.” 
― Saddam Hussein, The Revolution and Woman in Iraq

This is only touching on why feminism is so required in all our lives and there's much more to say but they're just my main reasons that I'm grateful for its existence. The reason I'm writing this post is because its International Women's Day! Woohoo! I was lucky enough to attend a talk on women and their role in the workforce and politics today in the city hall in my city. There were three great female speakers with our lord mayor chairing and it just spurred me on to give my views on the misunderstood "f" word. I'm so proud to be a girl and I hope all of my peers and women in my life feel the same. Lets all try and help the women who haven't the same rights as we have and work on closing the final gap between men and women's equality. On this very special day I want to thank all the inspiring women who have aided the amazing progress of women's rights and all the sufficiently secure and mature men who see the importance of equality for women and have pushed the progress forward also! We're all human at the end of the day and we're not that different if you think about it. The essence of living is in all of us. Both genders can love, laugh, smile, learn, cry, feel, fear and do everything else us weird humans do. The rest is only details.

    So boys/girls and others. What's your view on Feminism?
                                                          
                                                              Love,
                                                                  Rachel!=)
                                                                  

Debating/ Methods of Arguing.

 For anyone who doesn't know, this is an activity where people are given a motion or topic followed by a side or opinion to fight. There are two sides, the Proposition and the Opposition and depending on which side you're on you cannot accept the other side's points and must shoot them down, essentially in an effort to make your opinion win. I genuinely tried to keep that objective. 

However as you can tell from my initial statement that is very difficult for me because I have many reasons for disliking the hobby and have my own views on arguing.

I took part in my school's debating society for a few years. When I was 13 and 14 I liked it a lot but upon returning to it this year I found that I had changed immensely since then. I looked at the whole game with completely new eyes. You see, I'm a very righteous person. If I see something occurring which I think is wrong I can't sit by and watch it happening. I cannot fight for something that I don't believe in. And since in debating you are given an opinion to argue, regardless of how you truly feel on the matter, it obviously isn't going to settle with me. 

I think my first problem with debating is that I feel opinions are extremely valuable and deserve the utmost respect. My moralistic personality doesn't comprehend how you can let go of your own opinion so easily. There's a process you go through in forming an opinion. You look at both sides, weave in emotions and passions to produce the final product. Its important to me. So when debaters give up their opinions and change sides so quickly alarm bells go off in my head. I think its an insult to one of the most vital and driving forces in the world.

As I am righteous I also disagree with glorifying what you feel is wrong. What I mean by that is I feel  with debaters and lawyers its more about how the person fights the case rather than the point or topic itself. Do you see where I'm coming from? If the person fighting is particularly skilled and talented then it takes away from the points they are giving. What is wrong may triumph just because the person arguing that side or for that person was better than the individual working for what was right.

And now for what I've only concluded recently, a practice I still have to perfect. This my friends, is the art of arguing. For any debaters (who have not stopped reading this to write me a strongly worded comment), let me tell you something you may not have been aware of. When you shout and become aggressive while fighting your point you have instantly failed in your attempt to convince anyone to believe in what your saying. This is true of all arguing. Just think about it for a second, when someone raises their voice to you and is so bull- like determined to get their point out there and inflicted on you, how do you respond? Its our natural reaction to become defensive and argue back, We close our mind and all we want to do is win the fight. This is why I hold the belief that when someone's expressing their opinion (no matter how much you may disagree with it) its important to keep and open mind and know that you don't always have to be right. If someone gives a point that makes you change your mind on a certain topic, its ok! Its not you being weak but actually very strong. We need to bring to the surface more of what is right and what is honest truth. Its not about our egos and needing to be victorious all the time, this is insecurity, its about letting go of yourself and being genuine, no matter what.

I hope you take this on board when you're discussing a topic in real life too, don't lower yourself by raising your voice, keep calm and smile. Discuss your point in a level headed manner because this confuses the other steaming person no end. It also makes for a more truthful opinion. Bear in mind that if you're confident in what you're saying you don't need to become flustered and start bellowing. 

I hope some debaters reading this will ponder on what I've said, you're much more convincing if you can be kind and admit to agreeing with some points of the other side. If you disagree with me please let me know!( I'm sure ye're well able) I just haven't found a positive attribute to the sport, I might one day:) And let us all move forward with our arguments being calm and productive because its very easy to shout louder than the next person but if you're right you don't need to!

What's your opinion on debating and arguing? 

Love,

Rachel!=)